April is Autism Awareness Month, and for many families it is a month of reflection on how far we have come over the years. I, for one, know my little family has grown by leaps and bounds!
As with all children, our children on the spectrum vary in their milestones in life. As parents we want the best for them, in every aspect of life. And sometimes, it’s hard to differentiate between what we want for them and what is truly best.
When my oldest son was 9, I signed him up for baseball thinking an organized sport would be good for him. I wanted him to have friends, learn some focus and discipline, and get out of the house participating in something physically active. But I wasn’t listening to him. I was hearing everything around him and myself, but I was not LISTENING.
Now, before anyone gets all up in a tizzy, I did not force him to join a sport. He came to me and asked, because one of his few friends was on a team. We pressed to get him on the same team as his friend, and it was a success!
However, as much as he wanted to be a part of the team, my son was not thriving there. He was miserable from trying to be a good ball player. He was exhausted from the split focus and understanding the different plays of offense and defense. He was confused, disoriented, and yet he was happy to just… be there, in the dugout, supporting his team.
So, by the end of the season, that’s where he spent the most time. Was I disappointed? At first, yes. I thought he was being put “on the bench” because he was different. I was that defensive mom. But as I saw his happiness and joy at just being there grow, I became excited for him. And I realized later, his coaches were more in tune with his true strengths than I was. He was popular on the bench! He cheered his teammates on, patted them on the back, gave and got high fives from everyone, offered to help them with their gear, organized helmets and gloves, and just THRIVED in that dugout! It was HIS space, and he owned it!
My son is 13 now, and over the past several years I have gained so much more understanding of him as a child on the spectrum and as a person. He has individuality like none other!
He can mimic sounds and voices with accuracy, to the point that I will walk through my house wondering where the strange, new animal is hiding, or who left the TV or game on in the front room. The entire house would be vacant of everyone but Titus sitting on the couch, watching a video with his headphones on, mimicking the sounds he is hearing through the device.
He loves to create things. Titus can go into the yard and find a few sticks and random pieces of wood or plastic, and within a few minutes he has created a structure, sign, weapon, shield, or any random device he has pictured in his mind. I’m fairly certain if we lived in a place where snow fell half the year, my yard would be full of igloos, forts, battlegrounds, bridges, and anything you can think of, created with ice and snow!
While he loves to do things on his own, Titus is a “people person” at heart. I know many children on the spectrum are not fond of being touched or hugged, but Titus thrives on the calm voice, comforting hug, and his favorite, a pat on the shoulder for a job, well done. He thrives on words of affirmation, supportive feedback, and enthusiastic praise. And he is more than deserving of all the above! He has grown by leaps and bounds, and I have grown because of him.
Titus is my “Gentle Giant.” He was a big baby at birth. Born at 10lb, 9oz and over 22 inches long, Titus had people talking before he cried the first time. Today, he is over 5ft, 7in, wears a Men’s size 12 shoe, and has the demeanor of a boy whose love is for his mother, his family, and his friends. And friends… he has plenty! Everywhere he goes, Titus is loved. And he loves gently but fiercely in return. He would give anyone anything, and they need not even ask! His perception of the world around him is deep and given the right opportunity he will tell you his thoughts… all of them.
My son is on the spectrum. He is special, and different, and worth his weight in pure gold. I am beyond blessed to be called his mother!
