Tonight I lay on my bed, listening to the sounds of short videos on electronic devices in various rooms in the house, baby noises coming from the cribs as the twins cheerfully fight the sleep they need so badly, and the scraping and thumping outside my window as the cat settles herself into her nest atop my window A/C unit.
And I laugh.
I laugh because that was a great daydream description of my night!
The noises are actually the videos PLUS the arguing of said older boys as they fight over what to watch or listen to. The baby noises are the cries and fussing of the babies as they fight that sleep they do need very badly. Plus one is slightly constipated and having some pain from that, adding to the misery. The cat is yowling outside my window trying to get inside. Again.
Today has been less than exciting, but not boring in the least! There was constant activity and motion in every room, all day. Mom is tired. Mom is slightly grouchy.
Mom can’t wait to go to church tomorrow to learn about the love of Jesus.
It was a typical Saturday in the dragon lair, with a little less joy and a little more chaos than normal.
At first I didn’t mind, but as the day grew on it became slightly frustrating.
But now I’m laying here in my bed, underneath warm, heavy covers, listening to the sounds around me and I find myself simply thankful. The babies have settled and are sleeping.
The arguing has ended and now the sounds are simply a single music sound coming from the other room, accompanied by the soft giggles of three brothers who remember their connection and love for each other at the end of a long day. And the cat has left the window perch to do other things, or even sleep hopefully.
And I remember back on the day.
So what, if I didn’t wash five loads of laundry today. The one from the washer got dried and that’s what matters.
So what, if I didn’t fix three full meals today. The kids had pancakes for breakfast, fixed by the gourmet chef child in the house. We all had some random self made lunches. And I made a roast and everyone enjoyed that for supper. The babies had their bottles and baby foods and were well entertained today. And that’s what matters.
So what, if me and the older dragon babies didn’t read ten books today. They had fun, played outside in the sunlight several times, and even helped me clean up some inside the house. They even moved furniture too! And we had fun doing it! And that’s what matters.
So what, if everyone wasn’t in bed and sleeping soundly to baby Mozart by 845pm. They all showered, brushed their teeth, and were settled in the 10pm hour. And the ones who are awake later were actually up helping their tired mama with the fussy infants struggling against their sleep and belly aches. And THAT is what matters.
It wasn’t the best day. But it was a good day. In all the ways that matter. I’m writing this tonight because I had a bad mom moment today.
I got frustrated more than once because the day wasn’t going how I had hoped it would. And I took it out in conversation with my mother, and in frustration in my kitchen, and speaking more of my mind than my parenting words to the older kiddos. And it was the part of my day that I consider “not good.”
We sat and talked some tonight and made it all better.
One thing my mom said to me this week stuck with me tonight. “When we become parents we are thrown head first into a full time job for which we have zero experience. And by the time we get the experience the children are grown. We only get one shot at being parents, and there is no manual. Every child is different. Every parent is different. And it’s a learning process from start to finish.”
I’m a single mom. I’ve been in this role for a while now. I don’t have a partner to support my parenting, enforce rules, encourage me and my kids to be the best we can be, or back me in parenting decisions or help me make the right ones. It’s all me. And guys, that’s heavy.
Yes, I have a support system. But that support is only certain forms, and only reaches so far. There’s a lot that lands only on my shoulders, and I have my days where the weight seems more than I can bear.
Is it truly? No. Because I have made it through 100% of my hardest days so far!
But I’m reflecting tonight because I had to sit and remind myself that there is joy in the midst of my chaos. There are many reasons to smile and laugh, every single day. More than we know. And even though I didn’t smile and laugh as much throughout today as I normally do, I sat down and reminded myself of my smile moments tonight. And with those moments on my mind, I will sleep better tonight.
And that is what matters!
Much love!
Becca
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