Something I have let slip by me in recent months has been my devotion times. Those moments, whether they be in the morning, afternoon, or late at night, when I can open my Bible or another book that is inspirational to me and bask in some positive thoughts and prayers.
I am happy to say that I have picked up the habit again, and it has been a glorious thing!
One, small scripture has been in my mind for weeks now and I just felt I needed to share with you all my thoughts on this one.
Whether you are a Christian or not… this is for you!
Philippians 4:8
“Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.”
In the past several months, I have seen and experienced many changes in life.
Ups and downs.
There were moments of great joys and moments of worry and stress. And sometimes, like many people do, I would lose myself in the lesser moments. The moments of worry, stress, pondering things of the past that are no longer relevant to my life or my family, and I would forget the things I SHOULD be thinking about.
And I have learned and known from experience, those things that we THINK about eventually become the things we SPEAK. Right?!
Which is why this verse is sooooo important!
I can vividly remember a time when my family was going through a struggle, when I was a teenager, and my mom would quote this verse at random, just walking around the house or even driving in the car. I didn’t memorize this verse for Bible drills as a child, or as a memory verse in Sunday School. No, I memorized this verse by hearing my mother quote it for a very, very long time. Almost daily.
When I had moments of frustration my mom would ask me if my thoughts were true, honest, pure, lovely, just, of good report, virtuous or praise-worthy, and I couldn’t tell you how many times I rolled my eyes so far, I’m shocked they never got stuck!
Fast forward to this past year…
I cannot tell you how many times I have caught myself, in moments of frustration with people, circumstances, and other things, thinking, “is this something that is TRUE? Is this HONEST? Is it PURE? Is this VIRTUOUS?… and if not, WHY am I letting it invade my thoughts rent-free?!”
Now let’s talk about my experiences with thought to word…
I went through some dark days several years ago, and they lasted quite some time. My thoughts were not positive. They were not happy. I was angry, bitter, hurt, lonely, and pretty much broken. I let the negative seep into my mind, and it eventually became how I spoke.
My words were not positive. My outlook on life was not positive. And with every negative thought that became words, it came full circle and made me even more miserable.
And then I found PEACE…
I cannot tell you when or where. I just know it happened. And it was a glorious thing!
With peace came the memories I had let myself forget. The times when I would hear my mother speak words of wisdom, peace, joy, love, kindness, and all things encouraging in times of struggle in her own life. How she was able to stand up and stay silent during times when crumbling and giving up during the battle was so tempting! I thought she was just being too nice, but she was building her heart and mind into something amazing!
And she was building it in me as well…
And so, here we are…
We have endured a Pandemic, lock-down, remote learning, remote working, NO working, wearing masks everywhere, not being able to gather as families and groups, and so much more!
People got sick.
People died.
People we know.
I have seen families fall apart.
I have seen people endure mental struggles they would have never otherwise experienced.
I have had to explain to my children why we couldn’t “go and do.”
We have endured struggles because of things beyond our control.
We have endured hardships.
I could go on and on about the things we have “suffered.”
But why???
Because it is so easy to fall victim of the one thing that captures our thoughts and words… the negative.
There’s another verse in the Bible that talks about our words. In Proverbs… “Death and life are in the power of the tongue…”
So, when we THINK the negative, we SPEAK the negative. And the negative kills.
I’m not talking about killing a person. I am talking about killing other things.
Negative kills joy.
It kills laughter.
It kills kindness.
It kills peace.
It kills love.
It kills our praise.
And it kills the spirit…
So let’s put a flip on it for a moment and see how it changes the outlook.
(We had a pandemic, and lock-down.)
I got to spend an entire year with my babies and experience every milestone!
(People got sick with Covid.)
Nobody in my family got ANY other virus all year!
(I didn’t have a job for a while.)
I got to spend all spring and summer in the garden with my grandmother who is 80 years old. We snapped beans, canned pickles, talked about tomatoes, peppers, flowers, and more!
(My children struggled with remote learning.)
My kids got to learn to drive tractors, hike, ride bikes and golf carts, fix broken things, install flooring, appliances, and bathroom things, and learned many family skills!
I got back to my roots!
I picked up books, my Bible, my journal, my notebooks, and my computer and I filled my heart and mind with the things that make me happy, stronger, more peaceful, and my spirit is happy.
Yes, I still have days and nights where I sit and wonder how I am going to do things on my own. I wonder when I will get enough sleep. I wonder how I will manage to spread myself a little thinner for all the things a single mother of five must do on the daily…
It’s been way too long since I have posted and shared my thoughts and words with you all!
Many blogs have been started, and none finished.
Life has been… just a little hectic.
We’ve been exposed to COVID in January (or February, I don’t even remember… it’s all running together now).
Sinus infections, allergies, the bathroom remodel, leaky water heater, car decides not to start, fevers, sleepless nights… I’m sure I’m leaving something out!
One thing got me this weekend though, and I didn’t even think of the impact until I told a friend about it this morning.
Sunday, I didn’t make it to church. The second week in a row.
Babies with fevers, and older kids trying to decide if their symptoms were of a contagious sort, or allergies… I was ragged.
I took a moment, after being smothered by one of the twins for constant cuddles and attention, to just step out my back door and breathe. I was standing in my back porch when my tiny grandmother walked in with her broom and dustpan. She saw me out there tossing boxes and whatnot in all my frustration (I was honestly throwing things to vent, not clean) and she figured I might need a little help cleaning out there. I had just laid the babies down for their nap and just wanted a moment of peace.
I was overwhelmed. Drained. Exhausted. Lonely…
In she walks with her broom taller than she, and says, “Well, where should I start?”
At first, I was frustrated. I won’t lie. I just wanted to sit down and mope about my circumstances. I just watched a live video of a church service I wanted to be present for in person. I had one child begging me not to make him go to school the next day and it wasn’t even 1pm Sunday afternoon. I was struggling. Deeply.
But I got up and showed her this TINY area that was “priority” to get cleaned and said we should start there.
“This is really where I wanted to clean up, and then I think I’ll go take a break while the babies sleep…”
Well… anyone who knows my grandma KNOWS she’s not going to settle for some little space.
Two hours later, ¾ of the back porch was cleaned, swept, and wiped down. I could feel the Fibro flare up wanting to start up almost immediately. I was completely drained. But… I felt good.
I didn’t feel great. But I felt GOOD… this was something I hadn’t felt in weeks! I looked around us, little Grandma with dustpan in hand and her other hand on her hip, observing a job mostly done.
A cleaned floor, washer and dryer both running with things that were being cleaned, and no more smell of clutter, trash, and yuck all around.
I didn’t take any pictures of this grand event, before or after, so there isn’t much to aid the visual for you wonderful readers today.
However!
Picture in your mind’s eye a mother drained. Torn. Sad. Angry. Isolated. Frustrated. Confused. Stressed, and just… done.
And then this tiny woman, 4 ft 9, marching in with purpose and with a single phrase inspiring motivation I didn’t even want in the moment… bringing just enough spunk with her into my house, she lifted me more than she will ever know. Regardless of how I express it to her.
It’s the little things that bring the biggest rewards.
I know this isn’t one of my longer posts, and it really doesn’t need to be tonight.
It’s a post of appreciation for an amazing woman in my life.
It’s a post to remind myself that I truly am most assuredly blessed beyond measure.
It’s a reminder that I can get through these long days, and longer nights. Through all the stress, exhaustion, frustration, and everything that weighs me down, I can get up. I can find my motivation again.
I see you, tired mama. Sad mama. Weary, worn, and burnt-out mama.
I see you… and I am praying for you!
We will rise. We will come from the tunnel that today has brought and bask in the light!
“Weeping may endure for the night… but joy comes in the morning!”
It would seem, my dear friends, that my world has been busier than I ever expected it to be…
When we last connected, I was working at a Domestic Violence Center in my community and enjoying every moment of it! I had also been offered a new job, a full-time job I didn’t tell anyone about at the time. I surprise I was not expecting to ever come my way!
As it stands now, I have been working with the state of Illinois since December 16, 2020, and I have been training on site and remotely from home off an on since that day.
When we last connect, my kids were only remotely learning, full-time, on their school facilitated laptop computers all over my house, every weekday, and driving me insane in the process! Ha!
Now, they are back in schools, half-days, four days a week, and one of them still has to log in remotely on Fridays to do any unfinished work, which he always seems to have these days.
Before Christmas, I was working evenings and only just began the transition to dayshift work for the state of Illinois, and the twins were home full-time as well.
I had my mom coming during the mornings, and my grandmother coming during the afternoons, to help alleviate the stress from all involved, for the working/schoolwork/childcare process. The twins were set to start daycare full-time, but weren’t able to begin until after the beginning of 2021…
And now they are in daycare.
They have been going to the daycare full-time since January 5, and after the first few days of crying, clinging, terrified wailings, heartbreak and mourning the transition has become much smoother and more bearable… oh, and the twins are doing fine, too! LOL!
OH! And thanks to the new job, I have also started the Dave Ramsey Baby Steps program, to eliminate debt, save money, and be able to provide for my babies and myself in ways I never could before!
This should be quite the journey, well worth documenting… when I am not asleep on my feet and able to write about it!
Everything from new jobs to in-person learning at school, daycare, and things changing around the home on a daily basis, this blogging momma has had a hard time keeping up with my own sleep schedule, let alone trying to type and post blogs along the way!
Since we last connected, Titus had just had his first driving experience in my Denali. He has not driven since… not that he or I don’t want to get out there and practice! NO! It’s just been so hectic around here that we haven’t been able to sit down and take a breath!
Has it really been nearly two months?! I remember that day being so warm… with my oldest behind the wheel, and my youngers in the back seat, antagonizing him and prodding him on to do things that both terrified us and made us laugh till we hurt!
We also did not set up any Christmas decorations this yes. I have babies… toddlers… there was just no way! Rayne would have toppled a tree faster than a family of cats and kittens playing tag in the branches in the middle of the night!
I enjoyed my house being free of decorations and whatnot this year anyway.
Now, let’s talk for a quick second about how the joys of change can quickly become the tragedy of stress and anxiety at the drop of a hat!
Just as soon as I got the new job, my car broke down, my dryer quit working, the water heater started leaking (again), and there were other things that required financial attention… immediately!
Christmas ONLY happened because some amazing people stepped up and helped out this year. My kids would have had nothing had it not been for some wonderful, huge hearted, amazing people in my life!!
Words cannot express enough the relief that I experienced with those surprise givings!!
But, as my mother so enthusiastically reminded me… My financial troubles began AFTER I had the finances to take care of it all myself!
WHAT?!
It’s true!!
AHHH!!!
I was able to pay for the repairs on my car, buy a tub for my bathroom (a LONG needed item), and I’ll be able to fix my dryer situation as well!
Oh. My. Word!
She’s RIGHT!!!
Was I stressed when things happened? Yep!
Did I have to borrow cars, and make riding arrangements for kids? Yep!
Was it frustrating in a ripple effect (from me to the kids to the people I had to borrow cars from)? Yep!
But is it over now? YEP!
That tunnel is behind me, and I’m preparing for the next one!
Changes are good.
Changes are stressful.
Changes are exciting, scary, intimidating, illuminating, frustrating, enjoyable, and full of so much potential!!
We are finally settling into a new routine with our most recent change. It’s a stressful, tiring, but exciting thing!
As we develop our own “new normal” I find myself at peace with the way things have turned out thus far.
It’s been a long time coming… this tunnel my little family was stumbling through was a long one. Dark, damp, a little creepy at times, and exhausting.
More tunnels will come.
But for the moment, we will bask in the light on this mountainside we are on. And for the next tunnel… I bought some flashlights! 😊
I can’t wait to share more with you all! Until the next time…
In all my blogging and writing, I totally forgot to share the lovely story about Titus’ first moments behind the wheel in my Denali!!
You guys… forgive me!
This is an epic moment that must be shared with the world!!
Also, there are no pictures to emphasize the moment… just some fun dialogue.
So, last week, after a long day, I took the whole family with me into town to the grocery store.
We hadn’t been out of the house at all for a while, and we needed to at least get out for a drive.
Now, the kids stayed in the car while I ran into the store really quick, and when I got back to the car I decided to give Titus his chance he had been begging for to practice driving.
I drove to the High School and parked in the parking lot.
Titus was sitting in the passenger seat, all excited to the point he wasn’t sitting still anymore.
Levi (the self-proclaimed “back seat driver”) was in the back, pumping us all up for the event that was to follow moments later.
“Ok Titus… this is it! The moment you have been waiting for! Just don’t kill us all!”
I got out of the driver’s seat, Titus got out of the passenger seat, and we traded places.
Titus settled in the driver’s seat and I told him to adjust everything so he felt comfortable in his “driving position.”
Now, he’s 6ft 3in without his shoes on, so this took a little adjustment… not much, but enough to take him off balance for a second.
He looked at all the “controls” in front of him and I began to tell him what was most important for this first lesson…
Me: “Bruh… seatbelt first my dear.”
Titus: “Uh… oh yeah. I need to do that.”
Levi in the back: “Yep…we’re all gonna die.”
Me: “Shush you! Peanut gallery is now silent. Thank you!”
Titus: “What do I do to put it in gear?”
Me: “Okay, so you have to press the brake first, before you try to move the gear shift…” Titus: “This thing?” Grabs gear shift and almost moves it without foot on the brake.
Me: “BRAKE!! Yes… that thing. Brake first…”
Titus puts foot on brake.
Me: “There ya go…”
Titus slowly moved the gear shift handle and eased his foot off the brake pedal.
And we slowly eased forward.
Titus: “Whoa! So you don’t even have to press on the gas to make it move forward?!”
Me: “Yep. That’s how it works, my dear.”
Titus: “Oh, this is so cool!”
So, we continued down the length of the parking lot a ways, and I encouraged him to use the gas pedal, “Just put your foot on the gas and press lightly…”
And we LURCHED forward as the engine revved up in beast-mode.
Levi: “Floor it, Titus! Go like 30MPH!”
The car immediately slows down again.
Micah: “Uhm, are we sure this is a good idea?”
Me: “Titus will not be flooring it to any speed, right Titus?”
Titus: “Nah… I’m good with this right here.”
The car continues to creep down the parking lot length, at a leisurely pace…
Me: “Okay, Titus. Now you EASE onto the brake and get ready to turn and go back up the other side. Got it?”
The end of the parking lot gets closer, and closer…
Me: “Titus? Brake dear.”
Titus smashes the brake with his giant foot.
The car comes to a harsh stop.
Titus: “I think I need a little practice with this. And you were right, Mom. Your pedals ARE sensitive!”
Me: “Okay, now turn. And they aren’t that sensitive… boy you got big feet! Haha!”
We go up and down the parking lot a couple of times, until we get to the back end where there are ZERO cars parked.
Me: “Wanna try to park it?” Titus: “Uh… okaaaay.”
Me: “Alright. So, you are going to turn into one of these empty spaces. Try to get the Denali between the white lines. It’s okay if you don’t get it the first time. It’s a big car.”
Titus picks a spot and starts to turn in.
Me: “Remember, you have to stop before you hit the cement bar there.”
The car is still moving at the same speed.
Levi: “Ohhh… we’re gonna crash!”
Me: “Titus… Titus!”
Brakes applied… no, slammed.
The car stops as if it actually DID hit the cement.
Levi: “Oh Whew! That was close! Is everyone okay?”
Micah: “No. I’m gonna need therapy now.”
Titus: “Oh come on! It wasn’t that bad!”
Me: “Well… it was a good first try. Open the door and see if you are on the white line or not.”
Titus opens his door. “Oh! Mom! It’s perfect!”
I opened my door to see. Yep! It was a good parking job! Well… Minus the lurching.
He wanted to go around again, and try parking again a second time, too.
So, around we went.
Amid the shouts of “Go faster!” and “We’re all gonna die!” “Don’t kill us Titus!” and “I can’t wait till I’m driving, too!” “Speed up!” “Slow down!” and much more from the peanut gallery in the backseat.
A few more loops around the parking lot, and he gradually turned into another empty parking space.
The brakes weren’t hit so hard this time, and the parking between the lines was even better!
This time, I got out and told him to get out and take a picture of his parking job.
Titus was so excited!
He got out, took the picture, and then we traded places so I could drive us home.
We got in the car and buckled our seatbelts.
Titus: “I did pretty good, didn’t I?”
Me: “Yes! You did! Was it exciting?”
Levi: “Next time you need to just go really fast, Titus!”
Titus: “Nah. I’m working my way up to it. I’m pretty proud of what I did today, though.”
Me: “Yeah. You did good!”
Titus turned to me, smiled really big and said, “I mastered 10 M P H.”
Sometimes I wonder what I am doing with myself when I open a new Word document to write another blog post.
Do I have anything to say that will help someone today?
Do I have any useful insight to this thing called life?
Am I really making a difference for anyone out there?
I certainly hope so.
Even when I just type a little about my day, or my week, I hope that I am giving a little inspiration to someone who needs it right now.
I don’t want to sugarcoat anything or give a false impression to the world that my life is easy, smooth, or even just a little bumpy.
And lately, things have been rocky.
Very rocky.
I have felt disconnected from friends, family, support, and people I would normally reach out to for advice, encouragement, and prayers.
So, what do I do when I feel this way?
Honestly…
First, I will admit I may sulk a little… Okay, more than a little.
Yep. I mope, sit and stare, go radio silent, give short responses to people who may reach out to me, avoid gatherings, stay home, hide, and just… sulk.
This part may last anywhere from minutes to a day or two.
Then, I get a grip.
I get out my phone or radio, turn on some positive music, sometimes open my computer and start typing, clean something, do laundry, or find someone to connect with just to have a little conversation to distract myself from the negative.
But most of all, I open my Bible.
I read Psalms, Proverbs, grab a random New Testament book, or sometimes my Bible app and surf the “verse of the day” and just… read.
Last night was one of those nights.
I didn’t do any sulking, but I could feel the down trying to come around.
I opened my Bible app on my phone, because I was at work at the time, and I just wanted to share with you all some of the verses of the day that I came across while reading…
“Oh, give thanks to the Lord, for He is good! For His mercy endures forever.” –Psalms 107:1 NKJV
“Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers.” –3 John 1:2 NKJV
“Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing psalms.” –James 5:13 NKJV
“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” –Hebrews 11:1 NKJV
“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.” –Hebrews 13:8 NKJV
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” –Philippians 4:13 NKJV
“The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?” –Psalms 27:1 NKJV
“The generous soul will be made rich, and he who waters will also be watered himself.” –Proverbs 11:25 NKJV
“What then shall we say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?” –Romans 8:31 NKJV
“You will show me the path of life; in Your presence if fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” –Psalms 16:11 NKJV
On top of the Bible verses that I look up, I also look for other, motivational quotes that uplift and build positive outlooks. I found quite a few good ones last night after I got home from work.
Here are a few of my favorites:
“It’s never too late – never too late to start over, never too late to be happy.” – Jane Fonda
“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”– Albert Einstein
“If life were predictable it would cease to be life, and be without flavor.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
“Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.” – Will Rogers
“Nurture your mind with great thoughts. To believe in the heroic makes heroes.” – Benjamin Disraeli
“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” – Lao Tzu
“The difference between a successful person and others is not lack of strength not a lack of knowledge but rather a lack of will.” – Vince Lombardi
I know I didn’t say much about my world, our day, or anything else in a great “story telling” manner.
But tonight, it was a night of sharing a little of what inspires me when I am feeling the drain.
I know this Holiday season is one that is a bit more stressful than most in our lives, and with the stress comes other things that drag us down.
I get it. 100%!
I do hope that this post brought a little positivity and encouragement to you, as the verses and quotes do for me when I read them.
And I strongly encourage you to find some that help YOU as well!
There is great comfort in opening a physical Bible or book, reading and finding things that speak to your heart and soul, and getting a little encouragement for yourself.
As a matter of fact, I would love to know what some of your favorite Bible verses and inspirational quotes are that lift you up! Feel free to share them with me! And maybe I will use them in future posts. 😊
