As a teenager, I was strongly encouraged to memorize the Proverbs 31 passage about the Virtuous Woman.
I read it and read it, over and over, until I knew every word by heart.
This passage in the Bible was a core reading for me in my high-school days, and as I would look back on it I would hope and pray that, one day, I would be this woman!
Well…
I am!
Now, let me break down the verses for you, and give my lighthearted explanation of how this passage accurately describes me today.
Proverbs 31:10-31;
10: Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies. (Why, yes! I am worth my weight in precious gems! Thank you!)
11: The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. (I tried to find something for this, as a single mom, and I decided to simply say that my children can safely trust in me… and they ARE spoiled! Haha!)
12: She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. (Again, the kids… and YES! Although they would say I am evil when chores, homework, etc. need to be done!)
13: She seeks wool, and flax, and works willingly with her hands. (OK, sometimes not so willing, but uhm… I’m pretty sure this means she shops! Accurate!)
14: She is like the merchants’ ships; she brings her food from afar. (Well yes I do… over the river and through the woods every time! And the irony of that… we live in my grandmother’s house!)
15: She rises also while it is yet night, and gives meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. (So, she’s up all night, feeding people… Oh yes, that’s me!)
16: She considers a field, and buys it: with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard. (I’m going to give MUCH credit to my grandmother, who considered our field, and worked that sucker with passion! However, yes… I planted, cultivated, worked, sweat, some tears, and with a passion of my own, we had a HUGE garden!)
17: She girds her loins with strength and strengthens her arms. (LoL… I call those “big girl panties” and yes, I wear them quite well! And, after carrying two toddlers around, one on each hip, I’d like to think my arms are pretty strong.)
18: She perceives that her merchandise is good: her candle goes not out by night. (My candle burns at both ends, and never goes out! And YES! My Scentsy is AMAZING!)
19: She lays her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. (Wellll…. I do like to sew and do things with fabrics and strings. At least this verse didn’t say she excelled at it! Whew!)
20: She stretches out her hand to the poor; yea, she reaches forth her hands to the needy. (YES! So much yes! I will help whom I can, when I can, even when I am near the end of my rope as well!)
21: She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. (Not gonna lie… this is a struggle. I definitely do not FEAR snow, but I sure don’t like it either! And YES! My household is heavily guarded from it! Lots of winter wear!)
22: She makes herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple. (Lots of purple!)
23: Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land. (We will go with her “family” here. And yes, my family is known around my world… and they spend time with elders, people of wisdom and grace!)
24: She makes fine linen, and sells it; and delivers girdles to the merchant. (I do make things, but I’ll admit I don’t sell them. I give things away more often than not. LOL)
25: Strength and honor are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. (THIS! Everyone who knows me knows that I endure, and I find joy in every moment possible!)
26: She opens her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. (This took some work, time, and a lot of learning! Wisdom is essential in life! And my kids wouldn’t agree with the law of kindness, which means I’m doing it right!)
27: She looks well to the ways of her household and eats not the bread of idleness. (Psh! I never have an idle moment! Dishes, laundry, cleaning, babies, kids, homework, work, groceries, cooking, more cleaning, etc.)
28: Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and her praises her. (Well, when my children rise up they don’t quite call me blessed… but after they are awake for a while they come around. Hehe)
29: Many daughters have done virtuously, but you excel them all. (Why thank you! I try)
30: Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that fears the Lord, she shall be praised. (Lemme tell you something here… favor IS deceitful! Beauty IS vain, but praise is a testimony of good works, integrity, and given by those who have been blessed by a godly woman!)
31: Give her the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates. (It took me a long time to accept praise for anything I have ever done! And while the kids I parent bicker and argue, and often buck against rules and discipline, I am seeing young men grow up and know how to treat other people with kindness and love, and I see my works coming to fruition. It is a good feeling.)
So, as a young woman I aspired to be everything this woman is in the scripture. I dreamed about accomplishing each and every verse, daily, for the rest of my life.
Little did I know, I would be her! I would be the woman who works, day and night, is exhausted, tired, and sometimes depleted of anything left to give. And I’m pretty sure she probably pulled her hair out daily!
But she is amazing! I mean think about it!
She does everything, is everything, and still finds joy! She works hard, and above all, she is greatly loved!
I work hard, I am exhausted, and sometimes depleted. But I have joy, peace, and I am most definitely LOVED!
I am the Proverbs 31 Woman!
*verses found in Proverbs, chapter 31, in the New King James Version of the Bible.
I have been on the Single-Parent journey for a while, now.
During the beginning of this chapter in my journey, I felt more chaos than peace. I cried more than I smiled. And I often wondered how I was going to be able to move forward.
And then, the healing that had already started, I finally began to feel!
The top three phrases I hear most often are, “You make it look so easy!” “I don’t know how you do it!” “You have the patience of a saint!”
My dears, it is definitely NOT easy, I have no idea how I do it on some days myself, and my children would not agree with the “patience of a saint” statement at all! Ha!
I have moments when the “Mom guilt” is strong. Moments when lose my temper, forget things (the laundry in the washer hates me the most), lose things, trip over myself walking down the hallway, and have lately been staring at the wall in my bedroom blankly, trying to figure out what I am even doing!
So, let’s talk a minute about when it all goes haywire…
I KNOW I am not alone when I say this year has been an overhaul of the unexpected, unpredictable (and predictable, sadly), unplanned, unprepared, and uncertainty! Times ten!
We, as parents and families, have been through the mill!
And the year keeps on giving…
I have five kiddos. Everyone who follows me knows this. Three of them are each in their own school right now.
My oldest is a freshman in high school.
My second son is in 8th grade (the junior high in our district).
My third son is in 4th grade at the elementary school.
All of them are in the same “blended learning” group. Group B. They attend their schools for a half day on Tuesday and Thursday every week.
All other days they are supposed to do online learning with their school-provided-chrome books.
Two of them have IEPs. Their classwork is set up differently than the third. And that one (the one without the IEP) is currently going through puberty… Jesus Help Me!
The twins were invited to join early headstart programming via “home-based-classrooms” and I was already set beyond my limit, so I declined that option for this year.
So where does it go haywire?
Well, it starts when there are medical appointments
Education appointments
Other appointments
Kids falling behind on their schoolwork
Begging not to have to go to school on their half days
Juggling all five of them plus the housework
The car acting up (again)
The fridge falling apart (again)
Mom’s business falling short on sales and losing income to cover the bills
Cabin fever
Sibling fights that go from verbal to physical in .25 seconds
Bedtime battles with the older kids (because the twins go to bed at the same time every night!)
Did I mention that this has become a daily issue? Like, this is not “every once in a while.” NO. This is current, real time, common struggle.
What I am describing is all within the past… few weeks.
And then comes Sunday… when the battle to attend church is in full swing. That battle begins on Saturday evening, typically.
But that is another blog post entirely for another day. And trust me, it’s a good one!
Now, where is the peace?
I’m so glad you asked!!
I want to share what I did when I laid the floor in my bedroom a couple months ago.
I sat on my floor and wrote Bible verses ALL OVER it!
I spent hours on the phone with my mom, going over the verses that fit my situation, me personally and me as a mother, my family, our lives, and the things we have been through. We talked and I wrote, all over the place!
The flooring underneath is covered in verse after verse about peace, joy, love, blessings, calm, grace, mercy, forgiveness, faith, miracles, and so much more!
One of my absolute favorites is Philippians 4:8
“Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy, think on these things.” (NKJV)
Some others I wrote are
“You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.” Isaiah 26:3
“Do not be overcome by evil but overcome evil with good.” Romans 12:21
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalms 147:3
“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1
“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6
“And He said unto me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness.’” 2 Corinthians 12:9
“He gives power to the weak, and to those who have no might He increases strength.” Isaiah 40:29
These are just a few of MANY verses I wrote all over my floor!
Why am I sharing this? Because this is where my peace comes from!
When it all goes nuts, I go to God! I go to Him in prayer, or in the Bible.
Now, I understand many people get their peace from many places. It can come from angry cleaning the house to your favorite angry music (I do this as well), or going for a walk, run, bike ride, or just getting out of the house for a bit alone. Peace can come from many places!
You all know me. Mine comes from my writing. And I look in many places for inspiration to write and encourage myself and all of you in your journeys as well.
There are days when I cannot find my peace by reading my Bible. Sometimes I’m not near it, sometimes I am not able to sit and read, and sometimes I can’t focus. Those days happen! Sometimes peace is hard to get a hold of.
And, of course, the Bible isn’t the only place I find peace. I find it playing with the twins. Playing my piano. Playing my favorite songs on my phone, or on the radio. Cooking food (chopping vegetables is a great stress reliever!)!
But when it all does go haywire, I have to find that peace! I have to settle my own head so I can settle what is going nuts around me.
My best suggestion to anyone is this:
In your moments when you are at peace, when the world isn’t chaos all around you, grab your notepad and pen and start to make a list. Make a list of the things that give you that smile, the calm feeling, the escape from the chaos. Plaster that thing on your fridge, mirror, anywhere you will see it every day, multiple times!
And when you are at a loss, remember Philippians 4:8! Think about the things that bring your smile, give you peace, fill you with joy and make you want to dance. Even if you cannot find the time to do something to calm you, you CAN think about the positive!
Yes. It is easier said than done. Until it becomes a habit. And a habit it can become!
I did it!
And if this scatterbrained, super busy, always distracted mama can do it, I KNOW you can, too!
Recently I had to do a thing… something I dreaded for years, hoped wouldn’t happen until I was at least 40, and cringed as it unfolded before my face…
I was told I need glasses.
Y’all!
My heart sank! My gut twisted up in knots! My palms got sweaty as the Eye Dr kept changing the little glass slides in front of my face and asking, “is this clearer? Or…” *slide, click* “this?”
The letters on the wall opposite me were NOT clear, and nothing was helping yet.
After a few rounds, things started to shape up and I relaxed into the seat.
“Your eyes aren’t really that bad, honestly.” I vaguely heard him say.
Not that bad?! Ha! I’m terrified!
My son and I picked out glasses, made our orders, and went home.
A week later I got the call from the Eye Dr’s office. The glasses were in.
UGH!
So, I drive to the office, on a dreary, dark, cloudy, rainy day.
We got our glasses picked up, the kids got theirs fitted to their faces, and then it was my turn.
I slowly pulled the black frames from the pocket of the soft, leather case… humor and dread filling me to the point I giggled and choked at the same time.
This was it. The moment I avoided for a few years, now. And how I avoided it for this long, I will say I am shocked now!
I put them up to my face… and my world shifted!
Like, no. It MOVED!
Everything changed!
Time slowed for a couple minutes while I adjusted to this new outlook in my world.
I looked around the room, toward the mirror (to make sure they weren’t crooked), and out the window to my car on the other side in the parking lot.
I could see beyond the window!
Clearly!
I could see beyond the window before, don’t get me wrong! But, seriously! This was actually 3D vision!
The tech’s voice brought me back to the room.
“Do they feel okay? They look like they fit great!”
I paused again.
“Oh! Uhm.. yeah.” I touched the sides of the frames again, no adjustment needed. “They’re… they’re actually great!”
She chuckled as she handed me the cases for the boys’ glasses since they already took off to the car.
“It’s different, needing them for the first time. But really, your eyes aren’t that bad at all! So, you are lucky!”
I laughed out loud at this point!
“If this isn’t bad… I’d hate to see what bad really is! This is HUGE! The difference is… weird!”
I thanked her and walked out the door to the car.
Here is where the fun would begin.
I was about to drive with these things on!
And drive, I did!
In the rain. On a gloomy, dark, dreary day.
And I could see beyond the windshield!!
Like, I had no idea I wasn’t seeing clearly what was beyond the windshield!
I thought my eyes were fine all this time!
The only thing that brought me to have my eyes examined was the weird thing they did while I was writing or journaling… making words scramble, jump off the page, and then slowly return to their actual location in my vision.
Ok… that’s pretty intense itself. Haha!
I had no idea my entire world would literally take on new detail and clarity before my very eyes!
Like tree bark! Did you know tree bark has detail???
Bruh…
This was hard to accept at first, I’ll be honest. I was so happy with myself being 36 and not needing glasses (when in reality I probably needed them since I was a teenager), and I had to adjust to the reality that my eyes aren’t perfect!
Sigh… Who knew?!
So, of course, this made me think about how imperfect we really are, and how our vision sometimes needs a little help with something to clear it up.
For some it is the things that are close up that we have trouble discerning, or seeing clearly, and for others it is more the things a bit farther away, but no less dangerous if overlooked or not seen.
Without the Word of God, the glasses He provided for our clarity of sight, we may find that things are harder to discern, harder to identify, and harder to get through as we stumble along, blurred vision, unclear and a little fuzzy.
It may not even be the harsh vision of someone nearly blind, but the smallest need for a tiny adjustment or assist. Either way, this world is a place where it all starts to look the same to our human eyes after a while.
The routines the same, the schedules the same, days are the same, nights are the same, and people are slowly becoming… all alike.
Don’t forget your glasses today. Your clarity. Your peace.
Without a vision the people perish, (Bible!) but the wrong visions, or the visions of false speakers and naysayers can kill a spirit just as quickly as blindness!
Take up your visions and take up your prayer life. Take up your bibles and take up your connections with elders and those who have gone before you on the same paths.
Take up your connection with the Most High. And SEE His good and perfect Will. Which is that none should perish, and ALL be together with Him forever.
