Something I have let slip by me in recent months has been my devotion times. Those moments, whether they be in the morning, afternoon, or late at night, when I can open my Bible or another book that is inspirational to me and bask in some positive thoughts and prayers.
I am happy to say that I have picked up the habit again, and it has been a glorious thing!
One, small scripture has been in my mind for weeks now and I just felt I needed to share with you all my thoughts on this one.
Whether you are a Christian or not… this is for you!
Philippians 4:8
“Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.”
In the past several months, I have seen and experienced many changes in life.
Ups and downs.
There were moments of great joys and moments of worry and stress. And sometimes, like many people do, I would lose myself in the lesser moments. The moments of worry, stress, pondering things of the past that are no longer relevant to my life or my family, and I would forget the things I SHOULD be thinking about.
And I have learned and known from experience, those things that we THINK about eventually become the things we SPEAK. Right?!
Which is why this verse is sooooo important!
I can vividly remember a time when my family was going through a struggle, when I was a teenager, and my mom would quote this verse at random, just walking around the house or even driving in the car. I didn’t memorize this verse for Bible drills as a child, or as a memory verse in Sunday School. No, I memorized this verse by hearing my mother quote it for a very, very long time. Almost daily.
When I had moments of frustration my mom would ask me if my thoughts were true, honest, pure, lovely, just, of good report, virtuous or praise-worthy, and I couldn’t tell you how many times I rolled my eyes so far, I’m shocked they never got stuck!
Fast forward to this past year…
I cannot tell you how many times I have caught myself, in moments of frustration with people, circumstances, and other things, thinking, “is this something that is TRUE? Is this HONEST? Is it PURE? Is this VIRTUOUS?… and if not, WHY am I letting it invade my thoughts rent-free?!”
Now let’s talk about my experiences with thought to word…
I went through some dark days several years ago, and they lasted quite some time. My thoughts were not positive. They were not happy. I was angry, bitter, hurt, lonely, and pretty much broken. I let the negative seep into my mind, and it eventually became how I spoke.
My words were not positive. My outlook on life was not positive. And with every negative thought that became words, it came full circle and made me even more miserable.
And then I found PEACE…
I cannot tell you when or where. I just know it happened. And it was a glorious thing!
With peace came the memories I had let myself forget. The times when I would hear my mother speak words of wisdom, peace, joy, love, kindness, and all things encouraging in times of struggle in her own life. How she was able to stand up and stay silent during times when crumbling and giving up during the battle was so tempting! I thought she was just being too nice, but she was building her heart and mind into something amazing!
And she was building it in me as well…
And so, here we are…
We have endured a Pandemic, lock-down, remote learning, remote working, NO working, wearing masks everywhere, not being able to gather as families and groups, and so much more!
People got sick.
People died.
People we know.
I have seen families fall apart.
I have seen people endure mental struggles they would have never otherwise experienced.
I have had to explain to my children why we couldn’t “go and do.”
We have endured struggles because of things beyond our control.
We have endured hardships.
I could go on and on about the things we have “suffered.”
But why???
Because it is so easy to fall victim of the one thing that captures our thoughts and words… the negative.
There’s another verse in the Bible that talks about our words. In Proverbs… “Death and life are in the power of the tongue…”
So, when we THINK the negative, we SPEAK the negative. And the negative kills.
I’m not talking about killing a person. I am talking about killing other things.
Negative kills joy.
It kills laughter.
It kills kindness.
It kills peace.
It kills love.
It kills our praise.
And it kills the spirit…
So let’s put a flip on it for a moment and see how it changes the outlook.
(We had a pandemic, and lock-down.)
I got to spend an entire year with my babies and experience every milestone!
(People got sick with Covid.)
Nobody in my family got ANY other virus all year!
(I didn’t have a job for a while.)
I got to spend all spring and summer in the garden with my grandmother who is 80 years old. We snapped beans, canned pickles, talked about tomatoes, peppers, flowers, and more!
(My children struggled with remote learning.)
My kids got to learn to drive tractors, hike, ride bikes and golf carts, fix broken things, install flooring, appliances, and bathroom things, and learned many family skills!
I got back to my roots!
I picked up books, my Bible, my journal, my notebooks, and my computer and I filled my heart and mind with the things that make me happy, stronger, more peaceful, and my spirit is happy.
Yes, I still have days and nights where I sit and wonder how I am going to do things on my own. I wonder when I will get enough sleep. I wonder how I will manage to spread myself a little thinner for all the things a single mother of five must do on the daily…
It would seem, my dear friends, that my world has been busier than I ever expected it to be…
When we last connected, I was working at a Domestic Violence Center in my community and enjoying every moment of it! I had also been offered a new job, a full-time job I didn’t tell anyone about at the time. I surprise I was not expecting to ever come my way!
As it stands now, I have been working with the state of Illinois since December 16, 2020, and I have been training on site and remotely from home off an on since that day.
When we last connect, my kids were only remotely learning, full-time, on their school facilitated laptop computers all over my house, every weekday, and driving me insane in the process! Ha!
Now, they are back in schools, half-days, four days a week, and one of them still has to log in remotely on Fridays to do any unfinished work, which he always seems to have these days.
Before Christmas, I was working evenings and only just began the transition to dayshift work for the state of Illinois, and the twins were home full-time as well.
I had my mom coming during the mornings, and my grandmother coming during the afternoons, to help alleviate the stress from all involved, for the working/schoolwork/childcare process. The twins were set to start daycare full-time, but weren’t able to begin until after the beginning of 2021…
And now they are in daycare.
They have been going to the daycare full-time since January 5, and after the first few days of crying, clinging, terrified wailings, heartbreak and mourning the transition has become much smoother and more bearable… oh, and the twins are doing fine, too! LOL!
OH! And thanks to the new job, I have also started the Dave Ramsey Baby Steps program, to eliminate debt, save money, and be able to provide for my babies and myself in ways I never could before!
This should be quite the journey, well worth documenting… when I am not asleep on my feet and able to write about it!
Everything from new jobs to in-person learning at school, daycare, and things changing around the home on a daily basis, this blogging momma has had a hard time keeping up with my own sleep schedule, let alone trying to type and post blogs along the way!
Since we last connected, Titus had just had his first driving experience in my Denali. He has not driven since… not that he or I don’t want to get out there and practice! NO! It’s just been so hectic around here that we haven’t been able to sit down and take a breath!
Has it really been nearly two months?! I remember that day being so warm… with my oldest behind the wheel, and my youngers in the back seat, antagonizing him and prodding him on to do things that both terrified us and made us laugh till we hurt!
We also did not set up any Christmas decorations this yes. I have babies… toddlers… there was just no way! Rayne would have toppled a tree faster than a family of cats and kittens playing tag in the branches in the middle of the night!
I enjoyed my house being free of decorations and whatnot this year anyway.
Now, let’s talk for a quick second about how the joys of change can quickly become the tragedy of stress and anxiety at the drop of a hat!
Just as soon as I got the new job, my car broke down, my dryer quit working, the water heater started leaking (again), and there were other things that required financial attention… immediately!
Christmas ONLY happened because some amazing people stepped up and helped out this year. My kids would have had nothing had it not been for some wonderful, huge hearted, amazing people in my life!!
Words cannot express enough the relief that I experienced with those surprise givings!!
But, as my mother so enthusiastically reminded me… My financial troubles began AFTER I had the finances to take care of it all myself!
WHAT?!
It’s true!!
AHHH!!!
I was able to pay for the repairs on my car, buy a tub for my bathroom (a LONG needed item), and I’ll be able to fix my dryer situation as well!
Oh. My. Word!
She’s RIGHT!!!
Was I stressed when things happened? Yep!
Did I have to borrow cars, and make riding arrangements for kids? Yep!
Was it frustrating in a ripple effect (from me to the kids to the people I had to borrow cars from)? Yep!
But is it over now? YEP!
That tunnel is behind me, and I’m preparing for the next one!
Changes are good.
Changes are stressful.
Changes are exciting, scary, intimidating, illuminating, frustrating, enjoyable, and full of so much potential!!
We are finally settling into a new routine with our most recent change. It’s a stressful, tiring, but exciting thing!
As we develop our own “new normal” I find myself at peace with the way things have turned out thus far.
It’s been a long time coming… this tunnel my little family was stumbling through was a long one. Dark, damp, a little creepy at times, and exhausting.
More tunnels will come.
But for the moment, we will bask in the light on this mountainside we are on. And for the next tunnel… I bought some flashlights! 😊
I can’t wait to share more with you all! Until the next time…
“Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression, but a good word makes it glad.” –Proverbs 12:25 NKJV
Last night definitely did not go as planned.
I did not sleep until after 4:30am and woke up close to 10:00am.
Of course, we were all a bit sluggish, not very functional, and honestly, a lot of my planning made space for such a morning.
My boys DID help me with the inside of the house.
We got trash out of the house, washed a bunch of dishes, swept all the floors, and cleaned up the main part of the house nicely.
Also, I woke up almost pain-free! It was a good start to the day, at least. 😊
Tonight wasn’t so bad either.
I went to work at my job (that I LOVE), did some more cleaning there, read a little, and did other, work-related things.
The twins went to bed for a nap before I left for work, so everyone at my house got a little break before the evening fun began.
This is where I just need to sing some praises for a second.
My grandmother is A SAINT!
She comes over to help out with the twins, and she really loves doing it.
It gives her something to feel needed for, and she is bonding with the twins so well!
They adore her, and she just soaks up every little snuggle and cuddle she can get from them.
I love walking in the door and seeing her sitting with one twin in her lap and the other standing beside her at the couch. She has a smile a mile wide and they are just talking up a storm to each other in my living room. It’s picturesque.
Grandma is safely at home with Grandpa now, and everyone is either asleep or at least settled here, now.
So, I sit here again, writing up some lists and ideas for another good tomorrow.
I’m pretty excited about it, really.
And that gives me another tidbit to share…
I used to say, “I hope tomorrow is better.” And I would critique myself and my day (my own worst enemy, right?!).
As I write in my journal, planner, or make my lists now, however, I write down the good things.
“We got everything on my list done today!”
“We got some things done today.”
“Nobody fought like cats and dogs today.”
“School was done in record time!”
“School actually got done today!”
It doesn’t even matter how small the good is, if there is good to be found I will use it.
It is important, because we are in a time when depression is heavier, anxiety is higher, and fear is greater.
Missing the school days…
I have seen my children fall into depression because they cannot hang out with friends, or maybe they are completely disconnected from friends and other support, and all we have is us, in our home, doing our best to stay safe and healthy in every way we can.
Of course, I have to work. This is a necessity!
It doesn’t matter how bad things get out there, it seems. The bills must still be paid. The car still needs gas for appointments, work, and getting those groceries my kids are wiping out in record time.
And so, we keep moving.
We keep going forward, every step we can.
So what if we take a few steps back now and then. As long as we are moving, we will make it.
I am doing all I can, and I am working with my boys to help me by doing all they can.
Yep, we have burn-out days. I get frustrated with their lack of interest in helping. I get upset when they try to avoid school (gotta love remote learning…not!), and I get discouraged when they are impossible to talk to, reason with, and work with.
But we have come such a long way from who and where we were three years ago, two years ago, and even one year ago!
Things have been gradually changing for the better, and that’s the point! We are moving! Taking those steps. Climbing that mountain. Moving those obstacles. Creating the life we only dreamed would be a reality “some day.”
I’m pretty excited! And I can’t wait to see what tomorrow holds for my little family, now. 😊
“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.” — Albert Einstein
Tonight is just a “flare up” night for me, so I am sitting up in my bed, pondering life, drinking some coffee, and typing away on my computer…
I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving.
My body has been telling me to rest for a few days now, and last night was when it finally shut down for a solid sleep. I slept until 10am today!
My little family enjoyed dinner at my grandparent’s house this afternoon, just our little crew, then I walked back to my house to lay the twins down for a nap and fell asleep again myself.
Yeah, my exhausted-self needed it.
Who would have thought Holidays would be so odd this year?
One year ago, when we were all gathered around tables, groups of many, eating food, telling stories, and just sharing and enjoying each other’s company, none of us could have predicted what the near future held!
But here’s the thing…
Had it not been for our advanced technology, medical knowledge, amazing people working to save lives, and putting some of these guidelines into practice this year, there would be a lot less people celebrating right now.
I thought back on things like the “plague” and how that would wipe out entire villages and cities in one giant wave.
While we have been devastated by this pandemic, the outcome today is far different than it would have been without the things we have to fight it with.
And the people. The amazing people!
I felt safe enjoying the company at my grandparent’s house today, but I was still cautious. I think we will be for some time.
It has certainly given me pause to think about the other viral things that haven’t been circulating as much as they had EVERY year that I can remember: Stomach bugs, flu, strep, and more!
Every year, my house falls victim to more than one virus.
This year, we have lived under a fog of Lysol, doused in soapy water and Germ-X, and constantly wiping things down with sanitizing wipe thingies.
We have been eating more fresh foods, keeping healthier diets, taking more and more vitamins and herbal supplements, and I gotta say my skin, hair, and nails are celebrating these changes!
And this year I haven’t had to buy boxes of Kleenex, cold and flu medicines, cough drops, or fever reducers.
Epiphany!
So… what if, after the Covid thing is gone, we actually keep up with the healthier choices??!
Um, Yes!
Now, I know that the mass majority will return to life as usual (I suspect anyway), but as for me and my house we are creating new habits that I plan to hold onto for the rest of our lives!
I love the fact that we have been, for the most part, sickness-free, and the kids are enjoying it as well.
Now, if I can just get the fibro to settle down, we will be on a roll!
That’s another thing I have been thinking about as I sit on my bed, pondering, at nearly 2am…
Weird pain.
I’ve had weird pains all around for several years, now, and I remember ending up in the ER because the pain accompanied strange, numbing sensations, on one side of my face and neck.
After that one episode I didn’t have that kind of issue again, but I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder in 2015 which listed several symptoms I was experiencing.
In the summer of 2018, the anxiety started to subside, along with many of the symptoms.
But the pain stayed, and within a year it got worse.
I remember when I started noticing it more and more. I would be washing dishes and my arms would just ache. From my hands all the way to my shoulders, the pain was in my muscles and would intensify when I flexed or moved my arms.
My legs already had issues, which we assumed was RLS, as it would be worse at night when I was trying to sleep. But now they just… hurt. Anytime. All the time!
I have days when I feel completely normal, can function normally, and things are great.
Then I have days when getting out of my bed takes every ounce of energy I have.
I cry, get angry, confused as to why this is happening, and often discouraged before my feet hit the floor.
At least the days when I feel those emotions are few and far between.
Most of the time my kids are total rock stars, and they help me out and help do things that I would normally do around the house.
Sometimes, when I have more bad days than good, the poor kids end up with a little burn out of their own and honestly, I can’t blame them. But those are sometimes the days when the emotions run heavy along with the pain.
This week has been more bad days than good.
Thankfully, I have medication that helps with the pain and all that, but I still fight with my own mind over why it seems like this thing kicks my butt so easily!
And on nights like tonight, when I can feel it slowly easing from my body, the pain lifting and my ability to get up and go returning, I start to plan.
I make lists. My “to do” lists, things that I need to get done before the next flare up begins.
Most of my lists are your normal, mom-style to-do lists, with a little extra on the side.
I make menus for myself and the kids. Menus for us as a family, and then some “on your own” kinds of things for my Rockstar children, in case I have bad days coming up.
I set up grocery pickup to get all the food I know we will need for our family for at least a week.
I get all the things in order in my head, on paper, and on the white board in my dining room (at least on the white board after we all get up the next morning).
I have been spending a lot of my better days cleaning out the garage, TRYING to do the same in the breezeway, and I have got to get my hands on my yard again!
So tonight, I am going to sign off from my rambling and get some rest, and if tomorrow is a good day (as I think and hope it will be), I will be working hard on getting things done again.
Fingers crossed, my friends! Because the boys have agreed to help out in a few areas themselves. I’ll have to update you all when the day is done. 😊
If there is one thing that I KNOW I’m not going through alone, it is the return to school for my children during a pandemic.
Oh. My. Word!
Social Distancing, wearing masks, only going to school for two days, half days at that, and the rest online learning. It’s all part of a phrase I have come to loathe, personally: “The New Normal.”
Just, no.
It isn’t normal, new or otherwise, but it is an adjustment that we all have to deal with, one way or another, whether we like it or not.
Many people have chosen to homeschool their children this year. Many have waited for the day their children would return to the schools again.
For myself and my family, thus far, we are doing the “blended learning” program that our district has offered.
Why?
Because I NEED some time to myself (well, with the twins too), to get some things done, daily “office” type things, and my online work selling my glorious Scentsy stuffs! (Yes Lawd!)
And because my boys NEED to spend some time out of the house!
Cabin Fever was a thing, and a very intense thing, for a while this spring/summer! I prefer not to repeat the stress that came with that before the older boys went to their dad’s place for a time.
It continued while they were gone, for all of us.
Yes, Micah and I kept busy doing the remodel of the bedrooms, moving things, dumping things, organizing, and cleaning things, but we didn’t leave the house.
Titus and Levi did the bare minimum while with their father, because of the restrictions, and they were confined to their spaces there as well.
When they returned home, we got ready for school to begin.
Boy… was that fun! NOT!
Emails from the schools, parent surveys about remote learning and blended learning programs, the options for social distancing and if parents would comply or prefer to keep their children at home. The list goes on!
Do we buy school supplies, or do we buy computers?
Do we prepare for school attendance with extra laundry detergent, bleach, Clorox wipes, sanitizers, etc., or do we buy a deep freezer and stock up on extra food because we are about to have ALL our kids home all day, every day?
And then there’s the masks…
If the kids went to school, they would wear masks… the entire time!
Stress!
I paced my house, daily, looking at my space. I wondered if I would need to move things around to make more space for small desks or tables, get chairs for said desks, or if I should be buying backpacks and supplies.
I filled out the parent surveys, sent them in, and waited…
Then we got the notice that blended learning was optional, and so was full remote learning.
Uhm…
Yeah, my kids are going to school!
So, what is the schedule of the blended learning program our district has put together?
I’m so glad you asked!
My boys are in “group B” and attend on Tuesday and Thursday every week, from 8am to 12:30pm. The remainder of the week, Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, they do online learning via the chromebook computers provided on loan by the district for the academic year.
We are currently in week four…
I still have my hair.
It is turning gray.
We have a wretched sleep schedule!
Online days are rough. Attendance days are not quite as rough.
I get some time to do bigger projects in the house while they are gone for a half day, and it feels good to have my time to dance with the broom, and sing into my kitchen utensils turned microphone while I clean them and put them away.
The twins enjoy my antics, and I am rewarded with many giggles, squeals, applause, and they are even starting to mimic my noises and behaviors. It’s gold!
Developing a functional routine in a blended learning environment has proven to be a challenge. It’s not at all the same, or as simple, as it is not consistent… yet.
It will be. It is just taking some time, adjustment, and more patience than I think I have at this time. Ha!
With all the computers, folders, papers, schedules, appointments, and that’s just the three older boys, I am a busy human!
I’m not sure when (or if) we will figure out a functional routine for this blended learning thing, but we are doing our best. Between me, three kids in school, two babies needing more and more active attention, and a house to keep up with, I’m a tired mama by the end of each day.
But! On the days when my checklist gets beyond the halfway point completed, I go to bed that night quite content! I make insane checklists for myself, and I keep thinking of more and more to add to them as the day goes on, so if I get through the parts that I created the night before I’m a happy camper!
But that’s a blog for another day. LOL!
Point is, we aren’t settled in a pattern yet. We may never be. And that’s okay. This is a year of crazy things, drastic changes, things beyond our control, and unexpected twists and turns all the way around. We haven’t been okay for months.!
It’s okay to not be okay.
That is something I cannot say enough.
I have been blessed with super resilient children. That is a blessing and a curse at the same time, because they learn to adapt to change, and some changes are not that great… but they adapt to them, and creating structure in the aftermath of such changes can be… difficult.
Because what is harder to kill than anything else?
Bad habits…
And THAT is also another blog for another day. LoL!
I would LOVE to hear your back to school stories. Your struggles, your victories, and the journey you are on with your children!
This is interactive! In so many ways!
I want to be there for you. I want to support you! And I would love your support and encouragement as well!
When I sit here and think about the summer months of the great 2020 year, I can’t help but sigh.
It’s been a long year.
Longer than most, and yet, it has flown by with a fierce speed.
But we’ve been busy.
I was going to try to post some blogs about the updates in our little house, the summer visit my older boys had with their father, the twins first birthday, milestones, remodeling adventures, garden greatness, and so much more!
But…
Every time I sat down to write about one thing, all the rest would hit me, and I got jumbled.
And then there are the distractions…
Housework, laundry, the tasks of motherhood, appointments, grocery shopping, and more.
Like I said… busy.
So, here I sit. Pondering. So much has occurred this summer, and we are already standing at the open door of the new school year, which starts for our district in five days.
Before we talk about how THAT is going to go, I need to at least try to cover the highlights of the summer months that I missed out on…
We did a huge thing while T and L were gone to their dad’s for part of the summer.
We refloored two bedrooms, moved everyone around into different rooms, and gutted parts of the house of things that needed to be gone for almost two years, now.
Bags and boxes were filled, removed from the house, and donated to those in need.
More bags and boxes were filled and set out with the garbage to be removed from our lives forever.
Carpet was ripped up. Old tiles were ripped up. Minor repairs were made where they could be, and new flooring was laid.
We moved furniture, boxes, totes, toys, baby things, big kid things, TV’s, shelves, and more!
It was a construction crew of 3 (my mom, my dad, and myself), sometimes 4 when my son was helping, and we did it over the course of about 6 weeks.
Did I mention we’ve been busy?
Not too bad, if I do say so myself!
During the weeks that T and L were gone we managed to clean out all kinds of clutter, organize closets, put away seasonal clothes that took up space, re-arrange furniture, rooms, storage, etc.! It was glorious!
During that course of time my sister had a birthday, the twins first birthday happened, the county youth fair took place, Holidays, and other events as well. But we did it! We got it done!
Not to mention the harvest from the garden that started, and continued, throughout the ENTIRE TIME! That made for interesting produce sizes… LOL!
The night before the boys came back home, we got all the big stuff moved, the beds made (kinda), and everything ready for their return!
And now, they are home.
We have continued to harvest from the garden, keep the house managed almost as well as I hoped we would, maintain a routine and schedule (with some minor hiccups that are beyond our control), and even got a trampoline this week to babysit the older three! Ha!
Yeah… we stayed busy. Just a little.
It’s been a long summer. A fast summer. A slow year. A weird season in our lives. And yet… weird as it has been, it has been good.
It has been good for my mind, my health, my heart, my family, and my spirit.
I have grown so much in the 7 months that 2020 has given us, so far.
I am excited about the things that have happened up to this point, and even more excited about the things to come! It’s going to be a great year!
