Lately I have had a “few” bad days, but a LOT of bad moments.
How do I differentiate between the two? I’m so glad you asked!
Just this weekend I had a fibro flare up out of nowhere, and it lasted a total of 48 hours. THAT was a bad day. Two of them to be hourly specific.
In fact, three… because it started in mid-afternoon on Sunday and finally let up Tuesday evening.
The pain was debilitating, and nearly impossible to describe to anyone who has never experienced it before.
In August, when my entire family got Covid at the same time (minus me apparently… every test I took came back negative).
Those were some rough days.
Two weeks of them.
Kids having issues coughing, breathing, being sick, fevers, not eating or drinking anything, scaring me to death, and the slow recovery from the worst of it…
Bad. Days.
Now, perspective is everything when you take a situation and just call it a bad moment instead of a bad day.
I have a couple examples…
When the window on my car stopped rolling up, stuck at the bottom of the track, deep inside the door panel, and the window had to be covered with plastic for a while.
Sure, the plastic was there for a few weeks, but the only “bad” moments occurred when the window wouldn’t come up, and when my dad informed me that plastic was the only solution until a new motor device could be bought.
Two moments in a single day.
But the window was covered, and while we had plastic over it the window provided entertainment for the twins as we drove down the road.
With all it’s flapping and rustling sounds as the wind hit it at different rates of speed.
The day the tailpipe dropped out from under my car.
I was sitting with a friend, and we were cracking jokes about my license plate while looking at my car parked across the street.
I squinted and looked under my car, looked at her and said, “What is that? Do you see it?!”
She looked. “I have no idea. I didn’t notice it until you said something.”
I took a picture of it and sent it to my dad, who was in town THANKFULLY, and met me to look.
Yep. Tailpipe.
Literally hanging by a single, little bolt!!
Bad moment!
For weeks, until I could afford to fix it, I drove around with my tailpipe in the back of my car.
Oh, the looks we got when I opened the back hatch around other people!
“Oh, yeah that’s just the tailpipe…” would be my normal explanation.
But the car was still running. (Minus the days it decided not to start, but I digress…)
We could still get to school, daycare, and work every day.
I was frustrated, but I was thankful.
These were bad moments.
I could have easily taken these moments and turned them into bad days, but I did not.
Bad days exist! They really do. And they range anywhere from physical health, mental health, loss of loved ones, loss of homes, cars, many things. Bad. Days.
But, when something happens in a moment, something that may even last a while (plastic on the windows and tailpipes in the trunk), but you still have your home, job, health, family, friends, and that car still works decently well… it really is just a bad moment.
We cracked jokes about how much louder my car was without the tailpipe (It was already super loud WITH the thing).
We had fun with the plastic covering over the open window. Even with all the stink bugs that would get stuck in the crack of it!
Yes, I was frustrated multiple times and days over the same, little things. But I didn’t let it last. I couldn’t.
It truly was just a bad moment.
My Pastor’s Wife told me that my new name was Murphy at one point this year. Every time I texted her, it was to tell her about something ELSE that happened, broke, stopped working, etc…
She said, “I love you, but if you didn’t have bad luck… you wouldn’t have any luck at all!”
And you know what? We Laughed! Because it was humor in the moment AFTER the bad moment happened.
And laughter is the best medicine in a bad moment.
A boss of mine told me I’m too cheerful, to the point it’s scary.
Another one told me my positive outlook was inspiring.
Both of them have seen me at highs and lows. They know about a lot of my bad moments, and all my bad days (at least in the past 12 months anyway). And both of them have commended me on my ability to handle stressful situations in my life.
Is my ego inflated?
NOPE!
Because I didn’t get here by being perfect.
I got here by going through some serious yuck.
I had to learn how to let go of the bad moments and let them be “moments” instead of turning them into bad “days”.
Yes, these are labels… with NO cans
I could spend plenty of time describing all the bad moments and days of the past year alone, and it would bring none of us to any good by the end.
Instead, I would rather tell you that, in the bad moments you can find good.
You can reach through that ugly place that tries to crush you in the moment, and turn it into a bad day, and rise above it.
If you can’t reach through the first time, that’s okay!
I didn’t!
I probably didn’t on the 100th time either!
But I got there. And so can you.
I can say with absolute certainty that my victories and my ability to rise above has come directly from the Peace that my God has given me.
It surpasses all comprehension.
It calms my soul, my mind, and my heart.
It gets me through my bad moments, and my bad days.
And that peace comes from giving the bad moments and days up, and letting the hand of God hold you and carry you through.
And that, my friends, is what the next blog post will be about.
“Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression, but a good word makes it glad.” –Proverbs 12:25 NKJV
Last night definitely did not go as planned.
I did not sleep until after 4:30am and woke up close to 10:00am.
Of course, we were all a bit sluggish, not very functional, and honestly, a lot of my planning made space for such a morning.
My boys DID help me with the inside of the house.
We got trash out of the house, washed a bunch of dishes, swept all the floors, and cleaned up the main part of the house nicely.
Also, I woke up almost pain-free! It was a good start to the day, at least. 😊
Tonight wasn’t so bad either.
I went to work at my job (that I LOVE), did some more cleaning there, read a little, and did other, work-related things.
The twins went to bed for a nap before I left for work, so everyone at my house got a little break before the evening fun began.
This is where I just need to sing some praises for a second.
My grandmother is A SAINT!
She comes over to help out with the twins, and she really loves doing it.
It gives her something to feel needed for, and she is bonding with the twins so well!
They adore her, and she just soaks up every little snuggle and cuddle she can get from them.
I love walking in the door and seeing her sitting with one twin in her lap and the other standing beside her at the couch. She has a smile a mile wide and they are just talking up a storm to each other in my living room. It’s picturesque.
Grandma is safely at home with Grandpa now, and everyone is either asleep or at least settled here, now.
So, I sit here again, writing up some lists and ideas for another good tomorrow.
I’m pretty excited about it, really.
And that gives me another tidbit to share…
I used to say, “I hope tomorrow is better.” And I would critique myself and my day (my own worst enemy, right?!).
As I write in my journal, planner, or make my lists now, however, I write down the good things.
“We got everything on my list done today!”
“We got some things done today.”
“Nobody fought like cats and dogs today.”
“School was done in record time!”
“School actually got done today!”
It doesn’t even matter how small the good is, if there is good to be found I will use it.
It is important, because we are in a time when depression is heavier, anxiety is higher, and fear is greater.
Missing the school days…
I have seen my children fall into depression because they cannot hang out with friends, or maybe they are completely disconnected from friends and other support, and all we have is us, in our home, doing our best to stay safe and healthy in every way we can.
Of course, I have to work. This is a necessity!
It doesn’t matter how bad things get out there, it seems. The bills must still be paid. The car still needs gas for appointments, work, and getting those groceries my kids are wiping out in record time.
And so, we keep moving.
We keep going forward, every step we can.
So what if we take a few steps back now and then. As long as we are moving, we will make it.
I am doing all I can, and I am working with my boys to help me by doing all they can.
Yep, we have burn-out days. I get frustrated with their lack of interest in helping. I get upset when they try to avoid school (gotta love remote learning…not!), and I get discouraged when they are impossible to talk to, reason with, and work with.
But we have come such a long way from who and where we were three years ago, two years ago, and even one year ago!
Things have been gradually changing for the better, and that’s the point! We are moving! Taking those steps. Climbing that mountain. Moving those obstacles. Creating the life we only dreamed would be a reality “some day.”
I’m pretty excited! And I can’t wait to see what tomorrow holds for my little family, now. 😊
“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.” — Albert Einstein
Tonight is just a “flare up” night for me, so I am sitting up in my bed, pondering life, drinking some coffee, and typing away on my computer…
I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving.
My body has been telling me to rest for a few days now, and last night was when it finally shut down for a solid sleep. I slept until 10am today!
My little family enjoyed dinner at my grandparent’s house this afternoon, just our little crew, then I walked back to my house to lay the twins down for a nap and fell asleep again myself.
Yeah, my exhausted-self needed it.
Who would have thought Holidays would be so odd this year?
One year ago, when we were all gathered around tables, groups of many, eating food, telling stories, and just sharing and enjoying each other’s company, none of us could have predicted what the near future held!
But here’s the thing…
Had it not been for our advanced technology, medical knowledge, amazing people working to save lives, and putting some of these guidelines into practice this year, there would be a lot less people celebrating right now.
I thought back on things like the “plague” and how that would wipe out entire villages and cities in one giant wave.
While we have been devastated by this pandemic, the outcome today is far different than it would have been without the things we have to fight it with.
And the people. The amazing people!
I felt safe enjoying the company at my grandparent’s house today, but I was still cautious. I think we will be for some time.
It has certainly given me pause to think about the other viral things that haven’t been circulating as much as they had EVERY year that I can remember: Stomach bugs, flu, strep, and more!
Every year, my house falls victim to more than one virus.
This year, we have lived under a fog of Lysol, doused in soapy water and Germ-X, and constantly wiping things down with sanitizing wipe thingies.
We have been eating more fresh foods, keeping healthier diets, taking more and more vitamins and herbal supplements, and I gotta say my skin, hair, and nails are celebrating these changes!
And this year I haven’t had to buy boxes of Kleenex, cold and flu medicines, cough drops, or fever reducers.
Epiphany!
So… what if, after the Covid thing is gone, we actually keep up with the healthier choices??!
Um, Yes!
Now, I know that the mass majority will return to life as usual (I suspect anyway), but as for me and my house we are creating new habits that I plan to hold onto for the rest of our lives!
I love the fact that we have been, for the most part, sickness-free, and the kids are enjoying it as well.
Now, if I can just get the fibro to settle down, we will be on a roll!
That’s another thing I have been thinking about as I sit on my bed, pondering, at nearly 2am…
Weird pain.
I’ve had weird pains all around for several years, now, and I remember ending up in the ER because the pain accompanied strange, numbing sensations, on one side of my face and neck.
After that one episode I didn’t have that kind of issue again, but I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder in 2015 which listed several symptoms I was experiencing.
In the summer of 2018, the anxiety started to subside, along with many of the symptoms.
But the pain stayed, and within a year it got worse.
I remember when I started noticing it more and more. I would be washing dishes and my arms would just ache. From my hands all the way to my shoulders, the pain was in my muscles and would intensify when I flexed or moved my arms.
My legs already had issues, which we assumed was RLS, as it would be worse at night when I was trying to sleep. But now they just… hurt. Anytime. All the time!
I have days when I feel completely normal, can function normally, and things are great.
Then I have days when getting out of my bed takes every ounce of energy I have.
I cry, get angry, confused as to why this is happening, and often discouraged before my feet hit the floor.
At least the days when I feel those emotions are few and far between.
Most of the time my kids are total rock stars, and they help me out and help do things that I would normally do around the house.
Sometimes, when I have more bad days than good, the poor kids end up with a little burn out of their own and honestly, I can’t blame them. But those are sometimes the days when the emotions run heavy along with the pain.
This week has been more bad days than good.
Thankfully, I have medication that helps with the pain and all that, but I still fight with my own mind over why it seems like this thing kicks my butt so easily!
And on nights like tonight, when I can feel it slowly easing from my body, the pain lifting and my ability to get up and go returning, I start to plan.
I make lists. My “to do” lists, things that I need to get done before the next flare up begins.
Most of my lists are your normal, mom-style to-do lists, with a little extra on the side.
I make menus for myself and the kids. Menus for us as a family, and then some “on your own” kinds of things for my Rockstar children, in case I have bad days coming up.
I set up grocery pickup to get all the food I know we will need for our family for at least a week.
I get all the things in order in my head, on paper, and on the white board in my dining room (at least on the white board after we all get up the next morning).
I have been spending a lot of my better days cleaning out the garage, TRYING to do the same in the breezeway, and I have got to get my hands on my yard again!
So tonight, I am going to sign off from my rambling and get some rest, and if tomorrow is a good day (as I think and hope it will be), I will be working hard on getting things done again.
Fingers crossed, my friends! Because the boys have agreed to help out in a few areas themselves. I’ll have to update you all when the day is done. 😊
