When It All Goes Haywire: Finding Peace in the Chaos
I have been on the Single-Parent journey for a while, now.
During the beginning of this chapter in my journey, I felt more chaos than peace. I cried more than I smiled. And I often wondered how I was going to be able to move forward.
And then, the healing that had already started, I finally began to feel!
The top three phrases I hear most often are, “You make it look so easy!” “I don’t know how you do it!” “You have the patience of a saint!”
My dears, it is definitely NOT easy, I have no idea how I do it on some days myself, and my children would not agree with the “patience of a saint” statement at all! Ha!
I have moments when the “Mom guilt” is strong. Moments when lose my temper, forget things (the laundry in the washer hates me the most), lose things, trip over myself walking down the hallway, and have lately been staring at the wall in my bedroom blankly, trying to figure out what I am even doing!
So, let’s talk a minute about when it all goes haywire…
I KNOW I am not alone when I say this year has been an overhaul of the unexpected, unpredictable (and predictable, sadly), unplanned, unprepared, and uncertainty! Times ten!
We, as parents and families, have been through the mill!
And the year keeps on giving…
I have five kiddos. Everyone who follows me knows this. Three of them are each in their own school right now.
My oldest is a freshman in high school.
My second son is in 8th grade (the junior high in our district).
My third son is in 4th grade at the elementary school.
All of them are in the same “blended learning” group. Group B. They attend their schools for a half day on Tuesday and Thursday every week.
All other days they are supposed to do online learning with their school-provided-chrome books.
Two of them have IEPs. Their classwork is set up differently than the third. And that one (the one without the IEP) is currently going through puberty… Jesus Help Me!
The twins were invited to join early headstart programming via “home-based-classrooms” and I was already set beyond my limit, so I declined that option for this year.
So where does it go haywire?
Well, it starts when there are medical appointments
Education appointments
Other appointments
Kids falling behind on their schoolwork
Begging not to have to go to school on their half days
Juggling all five of them plus the housework
The car acting up (again)
The fridge falling apart (again)
Mom’s business falling short on sales and losing income to cover the bills
Cabin fever
Sibling fights that go from verbal to physical in .25 seconds
Bedtime battles with the older kids (because the twins go to bed at the same time every night!)
Did I mention that this has become a daily issue? Like, this is not “every once in a while.” NO. This is current, real time, common struggle.
What I am describing is all within the past… few weeks.
And then comes Sunday… when the battle to attend church is in full swing. That battle begins on Saturday evening, typically.
But that is another blog post entirely for another day. And trust me, it’s a good one!
Now, where is the peace?
I’m so glad you asked!!
I want to share what I did when I laid the floor in my bedroom a couple months ago.
I sat on my floor and wrote Bible verses ALL OVER it!
I spent hours on the phone with my mom, going over the verses that fit my situation, me personally and me as a mother, my family, our lives, and the things we have been through. We talked and I wrote, all over the place!
The flooring underneath is covered in verse after verse about peace, joy, love, blessings, calm, grace, mercy, forgiveness, faith, miracles, and so much more!
One of my absolute favorites is Philippians 4:8
“Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy, think on these things.” (NKJV)
Some others I wrote are
“You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.” Isaiah 26:3
“Do not be overcome by evil but overcome evil with good.” Romans 12:21
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalms 147:3
“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1
“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6
“And He said unto me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness.’” 2 Corinthians 12:9
“He gives power to the weak, and to those who have no might He increases strength.” Isaiah 40:29
These are just a few of MANY verses I wrote all over my floor!
Why am I sharing this? Because this is where my peace comes from!
When it all goes nuts, I go to God! I go to Him in prayer, or in the Bible.
Now, I understand many people get their peace from many places. It can come from angry cleaning the house to your favorite angry music (I do this as well), or going for a walk, run, bike ride, or just getting out of the house for a bit alone. Peace can come from many places!
You all know me. Mine comes from my writing. And I look in many places for inspiration to write and encourage myself and all of you in your journeys as well.
There are days when I cannot find my peace by reading my Bible. Sometimes I’m not near it, sometimes I am not able to sit and read, and sometimes I can’t focus. Those days happen! Sometimes peace is hard to get a hold of.
And, of course, the Bible isn’t the only place I find peace. I find it playing with the twins. Playing my piano. Playing my favorite songs on my phone, or on the radio. Cooking food (chopping vegetables is a great stress reliever!)!
But when it all does go haywire, I have to find that peace! I have to settle my own head so I can settle what is going nuts around me.
My best suggestion to anyone is this:
In your moments when you are at peace, when the world isn’t chaos all around you, grab your notepad and pen and start to make a list. Make a list of the things that give you that smile, the calm feeling, the escape from the chaos. Plaster that thing on your fridge, mirror, anywhere you will see it every day, multiple times!
And when you are at a loss, remember Philippians 4:8! Think about the things that bring your smile, give you peace, fill you with joy and make you want to dance. Even if you cannot find the time to do something to calm you, you CAN think about the positive!
Yes. It is easier said than done. Until it becomes a habit. And a habit it can become!
I did it!
And if this scatterbrained, super busy, always distracted mama can do it, I KNOW you can, too!
Much love!
Becca
