Parenting | My Joyfully Chaotic Life

Stop! Take some “Me Time”

by Becca McConnell | Mar 3, 2020 | Anxiety, Back To School, Coping with Stress, Depression, Family Health, Lifestyle, Motherhood, Motivation, Parenting, Self Care

As a mother, I find that I rarely take time for myself. It’s all about the kids in my life, and I am more than happy to have this role!

As a Single Mother, though, I tend to lose myself more often than not and it takes a toll on me physically, mentally, and emotionally from time to time.

From the rising of the sun we are go, go, go.

Kids up, showered, ready for their buses to school. If they miss said buses, hurry and get a hold of the grandparents next door to make sure they noticed the bus leaving without one or more children… Yes, folks. This is my life.

After everyone is off to school, whether on a bus or in a grandparent vehicle, it is time to tend to the twinsies.

Babies fed and cared for, on to household chores while they entertain themselves with their fun toys and flashy, loud music things.

Dishes, laundry, clean, break for coffee (probably the second or third cup by now… don’t hate!), back to it, break again to feed, change, and put babies down for a nap…

I Try to work in some blogging, posting on social media for my other job ( I am an independent Scentsy consultant – full time ), feed myself (probably for the first time that day), and back to babies when they wake… around the same time the older three get home from school (again, bus or grandparent vehicle).

About the parent vehicle part, I will have to post a blog about my darling maternal grandparents very soon! My relationship with them is definitely an entire blog posting on its own!

Kids get home, snacks, games, homework (if they admit they have any), some boy fights here and there, scrapes, bangs and booms, supper, showers, more scrapping, gaming, and playing with the babies (they actually do that A LOT), and finally bed!

Typically, I lay in my bed after everyone is sound asleep, NIGHTLY, and wonder where in the world the day went and how I missed it so easily!

Sometimes I sit and take selfies, in hopes that I can use them in a blog post someday, too!

I run through my mental checklist:

Did I make the phone calls I told myself LAST NIGHT I was going to make today?

Did I eat more than once?

Did I get everyone’s stuff back in their backpacks, so we don’t go hunting for papers tomorrow?

Did I shower?! *sniffs under arms* Yeah, we’re good.

Can grocery shopping wait till the day after tomorrow?

Did I check my planner? *near panic*

Did I miss any appointments?

*checks planner in the dark*

Ok, whew! We’re good.

Wait… what if I didn’t write something down and I did have an appointment that we missed?? *panic again*

*Takes out notebook, in the dark, and begins tomorrow’s checklist*

*Falls asleep writing…*

630am next morning, Repeat.

OK STOP!!

This is where you HAVE to stop the cycle! It HAS to end! If it doesn’t, you will find yourself exhausted, frustrated, emotionally wrecked, spread too thin, and eventually burnt out completely!

Take a minute. I don’t care if it’s midnight tonight, or in that single, quiet moment after the kids are out the door for school.

Take a DEEP breath! Hold it for a few seconds. Let it out… SLOWLY.

Repeat!

Moms are built to withstand a lot in this life, but sometimes we put more on ourselves than necessary, and sometimes the load needs to lighten.

So, after you take that breath, find your planner, phone app, whatever you need, and if you have to-schedule yourself into your own life! Get your “Me Time” in, and everyone around you will be better for it! You, most of all!

Mama, your health matters! All of it! Physical, mental, emotional, spiritual! Every part of you is important and I support you taking the time you need to see to your health!

If you only have 30 minutes a day to yourself, don’t spend it on social media. Find something that you think about, something maybe you miss doing because you never have time anymore. Make time for it!

Take a walk.

Don’t like walking? Go for a drive.

In the car too much? Sit under a tree, or on the porch, and soak in some sun.

Don’t like being outside? Sit at the kitchen table with a magazine, newspaper, book, puzzle, journal, or something to occupy your hands and mind with.

Listen to a podcast!

Don’t like reading? Honey get you an audio book! There are free apps for them!

Take a long, relaxing bath.

Don’t have a tub? (I don’t!) Take a long hot shower with music playing in the bathroom. Don’t lie… you take your phone in there!

Lay down for a bit and enjoy the silence.

Don’t think you can lay still? Take that audio book or podcast with you and listen to it there!

Bake cookies! Or brownies! I like to use the cheater boxes that only take 3 ingredients and 30 minutes!

Kids all over you every minute of the day, you say! Tell them it’s time to do chores if they are going to hang around inside the house! Booyah! Instant solitude!

Just wait. If you have an excuse, I have a solution!

Your time is important! And it’s just as important to YOU as it is to anyone else out there! There is only ONE you! Use wisely!

There really is serious meaning to “stop and smell the roses” people. It doesn’t have to be that you stop and smell flowers all the time. No! It means take that moment. Take note of the little things around you. One of those things being your ability to stop! Because, you CAN!

Don’t give yourself to everyone around you until there is nothing left.

Remember that you deserve some of you too.

Late Night Ramblings of A Sleepless Mama

by Becca McConnell | Feb 23, 2020 | Anxiety, Coping with Stress, Depression, Family, Family Health, House Work, Motherhood, Motivation, Parenting, Self Care

Tonight I lay on my bed, listening to the sounds of short videos on electronic devices in various rooms in the house, baby noises coming from the cribs as the twins cheerfully fight the sleep they need so badly, and the scraping and thumping outside my window as the cat settles herself into her nest atop my window A/C unit.

And I laugh.

I laugh because that was a great daydream description of my night!

The noises are actually the videos PLUS the arguing of said older boys as they fight over what to watch or listen to. The baby noises are the cries and fussing of the babies as they fight that sleep they do need very badly. Plus one is slightly constipated and having some pain from that, adding to the misery. The cat is yowling outside my window trying to get inside. Again.

Today has been less than exciting, but not boring in the least! There was constant activity and motion in every room, all day. Mom is tired. Mom is slightly grouchy.

Mom can’t wait to go to church tomorrow to learn about the love of Jesus.

It was a typical Saturday in the dragon lair, with a little less joy and a little more chaos than normal.

At first I didn’t mind, but as the day grew on it became slightly frustrating.

But now I’m laying here in my bed, underneath warm, heavy covers, listening to the sounds around me and I find myself simply thankful. The babies have settled and are sleeping.

The arguing has ended and now the sounds are simply a single music sound coming from the other room, accompanied by the soft giggles of three brothers who remember their connection and love for each other at the end of a long day. And the cat has left the window perch to do other things, or even sleep hopefully.

And I remember back on the day.

So what, if I didn’t wash five loads of laundry today. The one from the washer got dried and that’s what matters.

So what, if I didn’t fix three full meals today. The kids had pancakes for breakfast, fixed by the gourmet chef child in the house. We all had some random self made lunches. And I made a roast and everyone enjoyed that for supper. The babies had their bottles and baby foods and were well entertained today. And that’s what matters.

So what, if me and the older dragon babies didn’t read ten books today. They had fun, played outside in the sunlight several times, and even helped me clean up some inside the house. They even moved furniture too! And we had fun doing it! And that’s what matters.

So what, if everyone wasn’t in bed and sleeping soundly to baby Mozart by 845pm. They all showered, brushed their teeth, and were settled in the 10pm hour. And the ones who are awake later were actually up helping their tired mama with the fussy infants struggling against their sleep and belly aches. And THAT is what matters.

It wasn’t the best day. But it was a good day. In all the ways that matter. I’m writing this tonight because I had a bad mom moment today.

I got frustrated more than once because the day wasn’t going how I had hoped it would. And I took it out in conversation with my mother, and in frustration in my kitchen, and speaking more of my mind than my parenting words to the older kiddos. And it was the part of my day that I consider “not good.”

We sat and talked some tonight and made it all better.

One thing my mom said to me this week stuck with me tonight. “When we become parents we are thrown head first into a full time job for which we have zero experience. And by the time we get the experience the children are grown. We only get one shot at being parents, and there is no manual. Every child is different. Every parent is different. And it’s a learning process from start to finish.”

I’m a single mom. I’ve been in this role for a while now. I don’t have a partner to support my parenting, enforce rules, encourage me and my kids to be the best we can be, or back me in parenting decisions or help me make the right ones. It’s all me. And guys, that’s heavy.

Yes, I have a support system. But that support is only certain forms, and only reaches so far. There’s a lot that lands only on my shoulders, and I have my days where the weight seems more than I can bear.

Is it truly? No. Because I have made it through 100% of my hardest days so far!

But I’m reflecting tonight because I had to sit and remind myself that there is joy in the midst of my chaos. There are many reasons to smile and laugh, every single day. More than we know. And even though I didn’t smile and laugh as much throughout today as I normally do, I sat down and reminded myself of my smile moments tonight. And with those moments on my mind, I will sleep better tonight.

And that is what matters!

Much love!

Becca

Old Habits Die Hard: Breaking the Monotony of Daily Repeat… Becca Style

by Becca McConnell | Feb 21, 2020 | Anxiety, Coping with Stress, Family, House Work, Lifestyle, Motherhood, Motivation, Parenting, Self Care

Sometimes life repeats itself in a never-ending circle of monotony.

Get up in the morning.

Get the kids ready for school.

Bathe, dress, and feed the babies.

Housework routine.

Mom routine.

Kids come home from school.

More mom routine.

Eat supper.

Everyone gets ready for bed and sleeps (usually later than planned).

Up the next day and repeat…

How does one break up the monotony of this cycle? Is there a productive solution?

If there is one thing I know it is that old habits die hard, and bad habits die even harder.

So, can someone who lives in the broken-record style of life smooth out the chaos?

YES!

How does one start on the progress part of this mountain climbing expedition? By taking the first step, and then each step thereafter.

There are a lot of different things that someone can do to change the routine in their home from “non-routine” or “organized chaos” into something a little more fulfilling. I mean, I’m in the process of doing that myself!

So basically, I am inviting you to join with me in making a positive change. I am in the trenches right there with you. My family and I are working on lots of things! And me, being the scattered personality that I am, I have overwhelmed myself with too many amazing ideas of change and progress.

I don’t recommend doing that, at all! Ha! It’s bad for the mind. Have you ever seen a machine that overloaded? It starts steaming, shaking, and making weird noises as it begins to crash… and at the end, when the whole thing shuts down, it sits there… smoke creeping from the cracks as it makes that slow hissing sound of death.

That’s what I do to my brain when I get super excited about making changes and forget to take it slow.

This time I decided I was going to do it differently and prevent a premature shutdown of progress.

Where did I start my routine change?

My first change was staying up after I got the kids off to school.

That’s it.

One thing.

Don’t go back to bed. Stay up.

Of course, during the first weeks and months after having the twins, I slept as much as my body and brain would allow. But, they are seven months old now, and I have been able to bring myself out of the habit of sleeping in too late.

I get up, get the older three boys ready for their buses, see them off, and then set to the task of feeding myself and maybe getting a thing or two done before the twins wake up and need my attention.

Enter my personality quirk.

I realized just how much can get done in an hour or two, when you have motivation, progress happening in front of you, and some awesome music to listen to while you work. Or, a friend or two to chat with on Marco Polo on the phone while working as well. 😉

Just by staying up I figured out I could clean an entire house before 11am!

Now, you don’t have to jump in headfirst like I did. I only mentioned staying up instead of going to bed as a first step. My “all or nothing” personality gets in my own way all too often, and I did my first step (staying up instead of sleeping in) and then took three more steps at the same time!

And that brings me to step two: MODERATION

Do NOT overwhelm yourself with “change.”

This is where things go south, and fast!

How do you eat a 10lb steak? One bite at a time, right?

Don’t expect yourself to transform into some super-parent model for the world to admire in a day, week, or even a month!

Like I said before, I am a scattered personality, and I will lose direction if I don’t stop and check myself now and then. I even have to tell myself, out loud, to slow down and remember Moderation!

So, remember Moderation, because it truly is one of the most important things when making changes in a family dynamic, routine, schedule, and so on.

Now, are you ready for step three?

Step Three: which is basically a repeat of step one. Pick one thing to work on, and work on it. It can be anything. A routine change like my step one was, or a menu change for the family. Maybe clean out a closet, or kitchen cabinet. It can be whatever you want it to be.

And then step four: MODERATION.

That’s it!

I love how simple things can be if we allow them to be!

I am the master of complicating things that can be simple, because of how my mind processes the little things. Anyone who lives with anxiety understands the necessity of reminding ourselves to slow down, use moderation, don’t overdo it, and pace ourselves.

So, here we are. And it’s kind of funny how I got here.

I wrote at the beginning of this post that the cycle that never ends, constantly repeating itself, broken record style, is monotonous and I am trying to change mine. And yet, I just wrote out a repetitive list, broken record style, that would be the breaker of the monotony! Ha! It doesn’t get any more “ME” than that, does it?!

Welcome to my world! Hahaha!

So a simple breakdown of the way to kill the broken record monotony in your life: