When It All Falls Apart- Laugh!

When It All Falls Apart- Laugh!

by | Jan 18, 2020 | Anxiety, Coping with Stress, Family, Motherhood, Motivation, Parenting

In my life there are always things popping up, here and there, that I have to deal with. Anything from sick kids (or sick me) to something breaking in my house… or my car.

Sometimes I get lucky and only one thing happens at a time. Lately though, I haven’t been so fortunate.

But I have been blessed with the ability to find humor in my situations. Especially with my car! For example:

Last spring, I was driving home, trying to beat the bus as it was dropping my kids off from school. It was already unseasonably warm, near the end of the school year, and I was having A/C issues. My driver window wasn’t (and isn’t) working, so I couldn’t roll it down. I had the others rolled down, though.

The gas needle is also “not working” and I can never tell exactly how much gas I have in the tank at any given time, unless I remember (haha) to write down my mileage on my gas receipts. And that’s only IF my odometer stays lit on my dash, because my dash has a mind of its own right now and just randomly decides it isn’t going to show me my odometer, but switch languages at random instead!

So far, I know my dash reads in English, Spanish, French and some other language that resembles alien verbiage from the digital planet of “let’s mix letters and numbers together.”

So, my dash is flashing language options at me and not showing me my mileage, no A/C, windows down, gas needle on E, and I’m driving home to beat the bus… on a gravel road. Close your eyes and picture the scenario painted for you here.

I reach the final quarter mile, uphill, and…. She died.

The. Car. Died.

On a hill. A quarter mile from my house. On a gravel road. In 90-degree weather.

Oh, it gets better!

Now, the vehicle has had several other issues, so I sat there for a few seconds thinking, Please, be out of gas. Please! That’s fixable!

I grabbed my phone to call my grandpa up the hill, to see if he could bring me some gas, in great hopes that he would be home.

And my phone was dead.

“Seriously?!” I scrambled around my massive vehicle, searching frantically for a charger to plug into my dash so I could make the call. In that moment I vowed I would never allow my children into the vehicle again with anything in their hands. It was trashed!

I couldn’t find a charger. Dust was kicking up from all sides every time a vehicle drove by.

I could hear the bus coming.

It appeared at the top of the hill. Lights flashing, stop sign swinging out, it slowed to a stop in front of my driveway a quarter mile in front of me as I sat there watching from my dusty driver’s seat.

I started to giggle. Then, I began laughing. Deep, belly laughs that I’m almost certain could be heard atop the hill by my sons as they looked down the hill in confusion from the end of our driveway.

They all came running down the hill with their bus creeping behind them, and I had tears rolling down my face from the laughter by the time they reached me.

The bus driver stopped and checked on us. I told her, between gasps of air from laughter, that I was just going to get gas from my grandpa up the hill, but my phone was dead so I couldn’t call him. She said his truck was home. Thank God!

I sent the boys back up the hill to get him and the bus driver continued on her way to drop off the rest of the kids on her route.

I sat and waited, still laughing.

Grandpa and the kids came down the hill in his truck. Thankfully, he had a gas can that had two gallons of gas in it.

Grandpa pulled his truck around behind my vehicle and got out to pour the gas into it. After he finished, we all crossed our fingers and held our breath as I put the key in the ignition.

Click. Turn. Engine started!

YES!

Everyone piled in and we drove up the hill to our driveway. I pulled in, parked it, turned it off, and collapsed against my seat in relief!

Now, that’s just one story of many involving my 2003 GMC Yukon Denali XL and its troubles.

Our most recent situation with the poor thing is that it doesn’t start. Something is clearly drawing power from the battery, and it has spent many days hooked up to a slow charger, so it won’t be dead when I go to start it.

I would joke about my car being hooked up to “life support” with cords and things connected to it, hood up, or another car parked beside it to jump it when needed.

Recently, Dad got a “kill switch” for it. It’s this little remote that’s on a fob attached to my keychain. Every time I get out of the car, I hit that button, disconnect the battery from everything with a “click” and voile! It starts for me when I get back to it and “click” it back on again.

Of course, we are only treating the symptom. The bigger issue is still in there, but for now… at least it works. Well, it works as long as I remember to hit the “off” button on that fob. Which I have forgot to do once already!

Life is a journey! There are many chapters for us to enjoy (or endure)! The past few years of mine, I have referred to as “the constant struggle”, but not out of bitterness. More out of humor. I have learned that the “laugh or cry” look at life can have a positive effect… if we choose to laugh.

Plus, laughing burns more calories (still not enough for me!), and the lines left on your face after years of laughter are happier looking than the lines left after crying for years. And like I said, it’s been years for my little army.

We will have this broken vehicle until I either make enough money to purchase another, or by some miracle one appears in my driveway. So, until then, I’m sure there will be plenty more tales to tell about my Moody white Mammoth.

So, all of that for this takeaway:

When you’re stuck in a dead car, uphill on a dirt road, and it’s summer temps outside, and you got dust in your eyes, your phone is dead, and your kids are watching you from up the hill… have a little laugh at your own expense. Laugh till you cry, if you must. But still, laugh.

My kids live with me. They see that we are struggling here and there. They live in this little house with all its quirks, breaking parts, and drafty windows. They ride in that car, when it works, and they know. They already know we are in a rough patch. They don’t need to see me crying over it. They are already concerned for me anyway, bless their sensitive little hearts!

But when I laughed, they laughed, and it was good. We all felt a little better for a minute. And that’s what matters.

Success Is Success No Matter How Small

Success Is Success No Matter How Small

by | Jan 17, 2020 | Anxiety, Depression, Family, House Work, Motherhood, Motivation, Parenting

A little follow up on the thoughts from earlier this week, about days I do and days I don’t…

For most of the rest of the week, I didn’t. I just…didn’t.

Barely making it to get the kids up for their buses for school, I felt rushed and disoriented.

I did the basics.

I fed the babies, made sure they were entertained and clean, and kept their bottles washed and ready for the next round.

I barely kept up with dishes. I did minimal laundry.

But I showered!

When the older boys came home from school, I made sure they were fed and finished their papers or other homework for school, then made sure they showered before bed.

That was it.

Every morning, we all struggled to wake up and repeat the cycle again. And every night, we all had a hard time falling asleep at a decent hour… again.

All week long.

I probably say this nearly every week, but I am so thankful today is Friday!

And to make it even better, this is a long weekend for us! The kids don’t go back to school until Tuesday.

Glorious!

But today was better for me, personally, for a few reasons.

A dear friend came and helped me out today, trying to get a few things handled in my insanely disastrous house.

And get things done, we did!

Let me preface today’s accomplishments with something first, though.

I woke up the same way today as I had all other days this week. I didn’t want to do anything. I wasn’t motivated, and it was a major “Don’t” day, for sure!

My friend and I had already planned on her coming to help me out today, earlier this week, so I was determined to follow through with it. But before she even messaged me this morning, I talked myself out of it and back into it again at least three times.

I sat at my table, sipped my first cup of coffee, and grumbled about the fact that Titus and Levi missed their bus this morning. Levi felt the need, last minute, to shower and Titus was trying his best to get out of going to school at all. That is rare for him, but it was happening today!

They finally left and I continued to sit and sip coffee. I surfed Facebook for a bit, glanced at Twitter, and checked my emails, then went right back to FB to just… scroll.

I did start the laundry and wash a few dishes, but I was nowhere near ready to hit the pavement hard, working to get things cleaned, moved, and organized.

My phone dings.

She’s getting herself ready to head my way.

My grumbling changed to a little hope. I felt hope that maybe I would see more than 30% of my floors by the end of the day. Hope that I would get all the baby stuff moved and my house looking more like a home and less like a walk-through storage unit. And hope that I would finally feel like I got something done for the first time this week!

She arrived a bit later, and we set to the task. Many of them, in fact.

Between the two of us we managed to accomplish the following:

My bedroom was cleared of ALL baby stuff no longer needed.

My bed was cleaned off, again.

My bedroom floors were swept and cleared, again.

The hallway was cleared of baby boxes and storage items.

The dining room was cleaned, swept, and the laundry in said room was all folded.

The kitchen was cleaned, swept, and almost all the dishes done and put away.

The living room was cleaned, organized, swept, and spot cleaned in places on the floors.

Trash was taken out and picked up.

More laundry was completed. Washed, dried, and put away.

And the babies were entertained, fed, changed, cared for, held, cuddled, and snuggled during the entire process.

We worked and worked until after the boys got home from school.

Mom and Dad came by and dropped off my new bookshelves, too!

Yayness!

When it was all done, and after she left, I sat down and started thinking about how much we got done and how excited I was about it.

And then, another thought occurred to me.

Yes, we got a lot completed. We cleaned, scrubbed, moved things, and transformed this place into actual living space again. It was great!

But every day, I have my own small successes. And I tend to forget those all too often.

Even on my “don’t” days, I actually “do.”

Everyone makes it to school. The babies get spoiled. Dishes get done (even if not all of them). Laundry gets done (again, even if not every piece). We all eat every day, sometimes big meals and sometimes hamburger helper or PB&J sandwiches, but we do eat every day. Everyone showers and brushes their teeth before they go to bed inside this tiny house, we call home.

Sometimes I get more done than others and sometimes it’s just the bare minimum.

But tonight, as I sit here reflecting on each day of this past week, I am certain of one thing, and I’ll put it in words that remind me of a Dr. Seuss line in one of his books:

A success is a success, no matter how small.

Remember that with a smile.

All the love,

Becca

Some Days I do Some Days I don’t

Some Days I do Some Days I don’t

by | Jan 15, 2020 | Anxiety, Depression, Family, House Work, Motherhood, Motivation, Parenting

Some days I have everything together. I get up and feel motivated to take on the world! I get things done, whether I’ve had coffee or not. I clean, cook, do laundry, run errands, and accomplish more than the little goals I set for myself for the day or the week. I just… rock!

And then, some days I don’t.

The past couple of years have been a complete roller coaster for myself and my little troop of kiddos!

You know those days I said I have everything together? Yeah, those days that I made it work and succeeded in my world seemed to be so few and far between.

The days I couldn’t function outnumbered the days I could by far.

My bed was everything, sometimes for days on end. It was my sleeping space, my workspace, school space, entertainment center, table for food, and just where the kids even came to hang out with me, because I just wouldn’t leave it.

I spent so many months in solitude, overwhelmed with daily life, emotions, worry, anxiety, and depression. It kept me down, literally.

Circumstances threw me to the ground and life stomped on me for a while.

It happens.

It happens to us all at one point or another.

Fast forward to today…

I have stood tall, dusted myself off from the falls in life, and carried on to the best of my abilities. It’s not been easy, not by a long shot! But I’ve done it, and I continue every day, working hard to do better than the day before.

But that doesn’t always happen.

Today is one of those days that I don’t.

My motivator is broken.

My thinker is overthinking.

It sucks!

The cool thing, though, is I can still turn a day I don’t into a day that I do!

Sometimes the inspiration comes on like a lightning bolt, surging me into action and things get done so fast I lose myself in the momentum!

And sometimes I have to pep-talk myself into action, then continue my own verbal encouragement every step of the way.

I’m not sure what today will be, but if I get ONE thing done, completed, today I will have succeeded.

On one of my “Do” days, a friend told me I make this single mom of five kids thing look easy.

I laughed out loud!

No, honey. I just had a day where I connected, somehow, with Superman and he loaned me some supernatural energy from Krypton, and things got done before I collapsed in my bed HOPING it would stay done for maybe the rest of the evening!

Not only do I have five children, but four of them are boys!

This is not an easy task for a single mama.

Even the neatest of boys leave their socks in the living room floor where they took them off while playing video games. And my boys aren’t “neat.”

On my “do” days, I clean this house like a machine, and all the things left behind by my not-so-neat boys get removed from sight and placed where they belong.

On my “don’t” days, I become a drill sergeant. Ranting at them to clean up after themselves before I unplug every electronic in the house and pile them all up in the shed outside.

Yeah, we still must find a happy medium there. Working on that.

And what’s worse is my children always seem to be on the same level of motivation as me!

So, when I’m “doing” they are in the mood to “do” as well. But they are at school while I’m getting everything done that they would do, and they come home inspired with nothing left to get done (besides their bedrooms, which they NEVER have the motivation to “Do”).

And then, on the days I “don’t” they don’t either, and we all end up frustrated and griping all over the house while things may, or may not, get done.

Sigh…

I’m raising a house full of empaths. Lovely.

Now, coming back from that squirrel I just chased after…

I really do have more “Do” days than “Don’t” days anymore, and that’s a huge step forward from where I was even one year ago!

And my reasons for the “don’t” days are completely different than they were a year ago too! Again, huge step forward!

Then it was overwhelming emotions, drama in my life, and depression.

Now it’s overwhelming piles of STUFF, not enough room for any of it, and trying to re-attain my ability to multitask like I used to a decade ago.

Is that possible? I mean, I am ten years older now…

Hmm…

But for now, I am going to post this blog, turn up my music, and attack SOMETHING that needs to be done in my house today.

Wish me luck!

All the love,

Becca

One of Those Weeks

One of Those Weeks

by | Jan 12, 2020 | Anxiety, Back To School, Family, Motherhood, Parenting

I’m sitting here tonight, pondering my week. And it’s been one of “those” weeks.

Part of me feels like a superhero, and the other part feels completely and utterly wiped out!

Let’s talk about the wiped-out part of me first.

The boys went back to school Monday. My oldest son missed Tuesday, which is rare. I rescheduled appointments I had Tuesday as well. We stayed home and did some housework and he got to sleep off his yucky feeling.

For some reason, this entire week has been a bit of a struggle.

Every morning I would get up, try to function, consume large amounts of coffee in an attempt to stay awake and do the things, and find myself lacking in my motivation until long after the kids came home from school in the afternoon.

And then, every night I would sit on my bed and look over the events of my day. I would be frustrated with myself at my lack of productivity, motivation, and inspiration. I had ideas, so many ideas, from the night before. I would write down something new every night, in hopes that I would wake up the next morning and be inspired to do something better.

And every day I would be disappointed in myself.

But we will not stay on the negatives tonight. Yes, it has been a rough week. It has been a week of little to no success in my plans for myself. But this week hasn’t ended on a totally negative note! And that is what is most important!

Here is what was important about my week…

I woke up every day, on time to get the kids on their buses for school. The kids got on their buses for school.

The babies were fed, changed, entertained, and happy all week.

I kept up with dishes and laundry all week.

We have food in the house, and the whole family ate well every day.

The older boys showered every day this week (and for moms of boys, you KNOW this was an accomplishment)!!!

We made it through the yucky weather last night/this morning with minimal panic, and all was well.

I may have gone to bed every night with some struggle against myself, because I wanted to do better, but I went to bed with the reminder to myself that I did it. I made it through every day, on my feet, doing all the things that NEEDED to be done, even if I didn’t accomplish the things I WANTED to get done.

Here’s where I felt like a bit of a superhero…

I did this alone. With five kids. And I do it every day.

I have the support of my own heroes every day. My mother has helped me immensely with grocery shopping. My grandmother has come and helped out a lot when I feel dragged down. My older three boys have done so many things to help me out (besides cleaning their rooms, of course).

Even with the helpers, the support, and the assistance with some things here and there, I still feel the weight of being a single mom. A single mom of five. And THAT is why I feel both like a superhero and exhausted!

So tonight, I am going to be very happy with myself and my week. I made it through to the end, once again, and I rocked it! I rocked those dirty dishes every day (with no dishwasher but my two hands, I might add). I rocked that laundry from the washer to the dryer to the mountain of clean laundry baskets in my dining room. I rocked those dinners every night, whether they were chicken nuggets and fries or roast with all the trimmings.

I’ve been told, “I don’t know how you do it!” and I’ve been told, “You make that look so easy!” Well, it’s not easy in the least, and I don’t know how I do it either! But I do it and so far, so good!

If I can do it, I KNOW you can too!

You got this, and I got your back! I see you, and I am cheering you on every step of the way. The struggle is real, and while that sounds like a cliché quote it is very true! This is real life, and real life is a struggle now and then. Some struggles last a little longer than others, but in the end, we have survived so far!

It’s been quite the week in my home, and I’m sure you have had quite a week yourself! Whether it be with the kids, work, housework, school, or family stuff going on, WE made it through this one!

That’s exciting!

And you know what? I’m going to get up tomorrow with a new “wish list” for myself. And if I don’t get it all done, it will be okay. Because the important things will be done, and everything else is just extra accomplishment.

Rest tonight, my friends. Rest and know it’s a new week with new possibilities and opportunities for amazing things!

Much Love!

Becca

Day One Or Day One Thousand?!

Day One Or Day One Thousand?!

by | Jan 6, 2020 | Anxiety, Back To School, Depression, Family, Lifestyle, Motherhood, Parenting

So, tonight I am sitting on my bed, exhausted in more than one way after the return to school for the boys.

I mean, really! Was this day one, or day 1,000?!

Let’s just kick this off with a classic “Becca Moment” from last night.

I fell asleep last night while setting my alarm on my phone!

Lucky for me, I woke up three minutes before it would have gone off anyway. How, I still don’t know, but I’m so glad I did!

I got Trooper #3 up first, he got ready to go and made his bus on time. This is rare!

Troopers #1 and #2 were not so easy to rise from their comfy places.

The twins slept through the entire ordeal and I was able to enjoy a full cup of coffee before they woke and were ready to be fed. It was glorious!

House cleaning commenced and I am happy to say I accomplished several small things! I may have gotten a little sidetracked along the way…

And then the frustrating parts of my day began.

See, I am trying my best to monetize my blog, so I can generate income from home to support my babies. I am also working on a book! Yes, you read that right. A book.

I was supposed to speak with a writing coach today and she canceled our call because I cannot pay her any money right now. Talk about a let-down! The call itself was free, but she wants me to buy her program, and I understand that. I just cannot give any money to anything other than bills at this time. *sadface*

So, I set to work trying to get my transcripts released from the college I got my degree from, to the regional office of education in my town, so I can get my license to teach. The university claims that I owe them money from a class I did not take, and will not release my transcripts, which are required to complete my licensure.

I was on the phone for over four hours today. Transferred from one rep to another, and then another. Calls got dropped and I had to start over again.

It was not my afternoon.

Somewhere in the middle of the phone battle, I started getting text messages from Trooper #2 stating that he was not feeling well and needed to come home. This started around 12:30pm and continued until the end of the day.

No. He is not sick.

He is struggling with some anxiety related to school and his body is affected by his anxiety and stress. This is another hurdle we get to jump together.

The boys got home from school while I was still battling over the phone with colleges and financial departments.

That will continue tomorrow as well.

I prepped food to be cooked for supper. When it was time to make said supper, NOBODY was awake!

I walked around the house like a lost puppy, checking my children for signs of life because it wasn’t even 6pm yet and not even one was making a sound! Good thing they had snacks before they crashed!

So, I came to my bed and got comfortable with my notebooks, journals, planners, Bible, another book I am currently reading, and determination to calm my over-anxious mind.

The struggle is real, folks!

I am taking you along with me on this journey, every step of the way. The good, the bad, and the ugly! Today was a little bit of good with a lot of the ugly. The good will always be my kiddos, my support system, and the knowledge that I am going to get through this.

I have said it before, and I’ll say it again. The outcome will be great, but the process is hard. It is very hard.

Today was just another chapter in this story of joyful chaos. Another piece of the testimony I will use in my amazing success I will achieve some day. That will be a great day, indeed.

But for now, I will focus on the good, deal with the bad, and make the ugly into something beautiful!

It’s the End of Christmas Break!

It’s the End of Christmas Break!

by | Jan 4, 2020 | Family, Holidays, Motherhood, Parenting

Christmas Break Is Almost Over!

And I am overjoyed that my feelings are mutual with other parents all around the nation!

As I scrolled through social media everywhere today, I saw memes, pictures, status updates, blog posts, and more that depict the hilarious joy of parents that the end of the Christmas Break is finally here!

I love my children. I love them very much! And while, thankfully, this restlessness over the holidays is not present during summer breaks from school, this has been a rough month!

Thanksgiving was the closest to the end of November that it can be, and that made the return to school frustrating for my kids. They were only in school again for about 14 school days, and that short period of time was excruciating for me as a mother.

“When does Christmas break start?”

“Why are we only going to school for two weeks?”

“Can’t we be out of school from Thanksgiving until New Year’s?”

“I don’t want to do this homework. What’s the point?”

“I just want to stay home… can we stay home?”

And repeat daily, until the day the long break begins!

Not to mention, I am dealing with twin infants, this house, a broken car, job hunting, and making sure everyone is fed, bathed, and properly rested each night during this tormenting period.

Oh! Period! Yeah, as a woman I also had THAT happen during this time! Glorious, right?

And then, FINALLY, Christmas Break began!

I was so excited about break! I miss my kids when they are gone to school. If I had the resources they would be homeschooled, hands down! But, I don’t, so they won’t for now…

Anyway, the break begins, and we are full of ideas for fun time spent during this time off.

And then I got sick.

And the twins got sick.

Y’all, RSV is NO JOKE! My middle son had it 9 years ago, when he was only 6 weeks old, and he was hospitalized for a week.

The twins were just past their 5-month mark and Twin 1 got it first. She tested positive for RSV, but he did not. We were in the doctor’s office several times after that first visit, and we also landed in the ER at our local hospital with Twin 2 needing some breathing treatments and whatnot. This was where he finally tested positive for the same.

During all this time, I was sick as well. Sinuses, cough, chest pains, just the whole shebang! My 12-year-old son teased me mercilessly, saying I was “Finally going through puberty!” and having a laugh at my voiceless expense.

Germ-X became my friend. Lysol as well. I carried all the antibacterial anything I could get my hands on around with me, making the boys use it at every turn.

Christmas break was NOT what we intended, not in the least!

My older three musketeers were developing a case of cabin fever that was unlike any other they have had before. The petulant requests for activities became worse than their nagging about the break beginning.

I think God knew I would need a bit of a reprieve, because the weather warmed up and they got to spend hours outdoors, nearly every day of their break!

Of course, the closer we got to Christmas Day, the more the older kids were requesting to “open just one gift tonight” every night before Christmas Morning.

Christmas Day itself turned into quite the conundrum, with some rough planning, communication issues, and unexpected changes in plans, I was left with three frustrated boys and I myself was a little irritated as well. Being sick and frustrated at the same time… not the best combination at all!

To top it off, my mother got sick as well! Christmas week, no less!

Family dinner at my parents’ house wasn’t bad, but it was definitely unlike the normal events we experience there. I felt rough. Mom felt rough. Dad had also been sick and was still recovering, so he felt rough. The twins were miserable. My sister’s sons were also coughing and feeling puny that day.

It was interesting.

After a few, slightly (physically) miserable hours, the boys and I loaded our things into the car and got ready to go.

The car, my broken car, was dead.

It needed to be jump-started before I could bring my collection of kiddos back home.

And the week between Christmas and New Year’s was a mirror image of the week before. Sickness, doctor visits, more sickness.

And finally, here we are!

I’m better. The twins are better. And school starts back Monday!

I couldn’t be happier, and I couldn’t be more afraid. I’m excited that life can return to a somewhat normal routine again, but I’m nervous about sickness that remains all around our region, and how my boys going back to school could end up bringing a whole, new virus into our home after we just got rid of this one.

That being said, come on Monday!! I’ll be armed and ready with my Germ-X, antibacterial shower gels, hand soaps, and Lysol sprays! Vitamin C will be the main course of every meal in my home! I may be nervous about more sickness, but this mama is ready for some progress! And progress in my home can only come when the kids are gone to school.

Can I get a witness?!