And here we arrive at the final chapter of the great health scare of 2024.
Well, the first one anyway…
We are going to highlight Friday and Sunday in this post, as they were the days of fun and adventure… and the rest were filler days. LOL
The ambulance arrived at the hospital I would be admitted into. The doors opened and a burst of WARM air hit me.
Y’all. You know me! It was February… and it was warm! I was not happy at all. I looked up at the paramedic and mentioned the temperature. It wasn’t fair! It’s warm outside and I’m stuck to a gurney going into a hospital for God knows how long!
“Yeah. It’s supposed to be nice for a few days! Then, cold again.” She said as they wheeled my gurney from the truck to the doors of the ER.
I was too miserable to be upset for long, though. I had been bleeding for weeks, I was barely alert, and I had several feet of gauze shoved up where things don’t need to be shoved to slow the flow of blood.
To shorten the ER part of this tale, I will say that the Dr’s came in, OBGYN department knew I was coming and they knew I was “packed” and they were furious. The first thing they did after drawing yet more blood from my person was get that hot mess out of my body.
And when they did…
Red Niagara! For minutes! And then, Red Lake Michigan (or whatever large body of water) …
Everyone in there was like, “Oh my… whoa. Ok… more blood for you!”
It was then explained to me that my bleeding was internal… and it needed a place to go. So, if the “exit” from my body was closed off, it would start finding other places inside to retreat to. Not good, apparently.
Thankfully, Mom made it there to sit with me during my torture and torment shortly after I arrived in the ambulance. She got all the kiddos ready and off to their respective school destinations before following me up to the hospital.
By now, it’s mid-morning on Friday. I’m exhausted. Depleted. Have nothing left to give, at all. In more ways than one! They got me all set up and sent up to surgery floor for my stay while they decided exactly what was going to be done about my “unique situation” as they called it so many times.
Finally in my room on the 4th floor, I get to meet my nurses for the first time. A time of enormous discomfort for myself, and lots of sympathy for them from me as well.
I was soaked, not functional, unable to even sit up on my own at this point. I tried… gosh I tried! They had to clean me up as soon as I arrived, change my bed, my clothes, put an adult diaper thingy on me because the hemorrhaging was NOT letting up at all, and try to do it ALL while I’m laying in this bed!
Y’all. These nurses got skills!
After the magic they performed getting me and my bed changed out while I was still in it, they were able to reach out to my OBGYN to see if they were going to take out the baby growing system that day. I hadn’t eaten or drank anything in 24 hours. Mama was living off whatever was going into my body via IV tubes.
While we waited for word from the Docs, I got set up with more blood, iron infusions, and some other concoction via IV bags to give me some sort of nutrients.
I also got to meet lots of nurses, techs, lab personnel, some student doctors, and other people who apparently couldn’t wait to see the “unique situation” that was in room 409.
Fast forward to that afternoon. The doctor came in and explained how he determined best to handle my situation.
“Between a rock and a hard place” was used to describe me multiple times by all the people I encountered.
My Dr referred to me as “Interesting”, “unique”, “complicated”, and other things as well.
So, let’s review my situation:
I have blood clots in my lungs. I am bleeding. A lot! The bleeding needs to stop. But the concern is the clots… which is as bad (and could be worse). Both needs treated/fixed. But, given that one is total opposite of the other… only one can be treated/fixed at a time.
It was determined that I would be having an ablation procedure to try to slow/stop the bleeding. I would have to be taken off my blood thinners for 2 days prior to the surgery, if possible, but if the bleeding got worse 1 day would do if absolutely necessary.
Every decision maker in my medical case determined that a hysterectomy would make my already difficult situation worse and wanted to do the least alteration possible to my body, get me back on the blood thinners, and on the road to recovery ASAP.
With the plan in place, it was determined that I could finally EAT!
Y’all… I ate whatever they could bring me! Sandwiches, chips, yogurts, crackers, all of it! I munched on those wonderful ice chips that hospitals have for hours in complete bliss!
That evening, a dear friend of my mom and I came to see me and bring a cute flower with a balloon on it to brighten my room. We chatted, laughed, and enjoyed each other’s company. I remained reclined safely in my bed as any time I would even try to sit up without the bed lifting me my heartrate would jump into the 120’s. Everyone saw it. I was hooked up to all these monitors so they could see anytime my heartrate jumped at the nurse’s desk.
So, that prefaced my next part of the story…
While we were chatting, one of my WONDERFUL nurses came into the room to see if I could get up to go to the bathroom. A: I felt like I needed to and told them so, and B: they needed to see if I could stand on my own two feet.
I could not…
I got up, made it to the bathroom, and mind you I had been doing this at home for two weeks already, not realizing how BAD it was for me to do so…
I make it to the bathroom. I’m dizzy. But man, I had to PEE! So, I start trying to “do my thing” and I hear a phone ring in my room.
Yeah… that was the nurses desk calling my charge nurse to see if I was ALIVE at this point, because (unbeknownst to me) my heart rate was 155 and my BP had bottomed out waaaaaay below readings of anyone who is conscious.
I opened the bathroom door, took one look at my nurse and said, “Yeah… this wasn’t a good idea. I don’t feel well.”
My mother and our dear friend were in the room, eyes fixated on the monitors. My mother’s face was probably as white as mine at this point, obviously not for the same reason, and they were both immobile as the nurse guided me back to my bed.
I collapsed there, dizzy, nauseous, clammy, sweaty, and barely alert at this point.
It took a few minutes for my brain and my body to communicate to each other that I was back in bed and my heart could settle down. But once they did things got a little better by the minute.
More blood. More iron. More blood taken from me to see my counts.
Days of poking, testing, poking, testing, more poking again…
The ablation was done on Sunday morning. I was out for a bit, procedure completed. Pain. Lots of pain. Anxiety and fear that the procedure wouldn’t work. Paranoia. Depression. I missed my kids… a lot!
Thankfully, I had some yarn and my crochet hook with me while I was enjoying my stay at hotel Memorial Hospital. My bestie came to sit and visit the day before I was discharged. She brought her yarn and hook as well, and we got to sit and crochet, sip coffee, and chat about all the happy things in life. It was an uplifting moment during a time when the walls were closing in!
The day I was discharged a dear friend came to visit and bring me coffee. She got to be my ride home, and boy was I GLAD to escape back to my home and my kiddos! That ride home was another uplifting moment in a dark time! We laughed together, caught up with each other on life, and she got to be a witness to another small miracle in my life that will be for another post, another day. I will say this, God’s timing is most definitely impeccable!
Fast forward to today:
The ablation did work. It took months for the effects of the blood clots and then the heavy bleeding to finally fall away, and I do still have some every now and then. But I am doing so much better today than I was 5 months ago!
The support I have received through these months has been amazing! Thank you all for keeping me in thoughts and prayers, and lending assistance while we walked this crazy road!
Something I have let slip by me in recent months has been my devotion times. Those moments, whether they be in the morning, afternoon, or late at night, when I can open my Bible or another book that is inspirational to me and bask in some positive thoughts and prayers.
I am happy to say that I have picked up the habit again, and it has been a glorious thing!
One, small scripture has been in my mind for weeks now and I just felt I needed to share with you all my thoughts on this one.
Whether you are a Christian or not… this is for you!
Philippians 4:8
“Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.”
In the past several months, I have seen and experienced many changes in life.
Ups and downs.
There were moments of great joys and moments of worry and stress. And sometimes, like many people do, I would lose myself in the lesser moments. The moments of worry, stress, pondering things of the past that are no longer relevant to my life or my family, and I would forget the things I SHOULD be thinking about.
And I have learned and known from experience, those things that we THINK about eventually become the things we SPEAK. Right?!
Which is why this verse is sooooo important!
I can vividly remember a time when my family was going through a struggle, when I was a teenager, and my mom would quote this verse at random, just walking around the house or even driving in the car. I didn’t memorize this verse for Bible drills as a child, or as a memory verse in Sunday School. No, I memorized this verse by hearing my mother quote it for a very, very long time. Almost daily.
When I had moments of frustration my mom would ask me if my thoughts were true, honest, pure, lovely, just, of good report, virtuous or praise-worthy, and I couldn’t tell you how many times I rolled my eyes so far, I’m shocked they never got stuck!
Fast forward to this past year…
I cannot tell you how many times I have caught myself, in moments of frustration with people, circumstances, and other things, thinking, “is this something that is TRUE? Is this HONEST? Is it PURE? Is this VIRTUOUS?… and if not, WHY am I letting it invade my thoughts rent-free?!”
Now let’s talk about my experiences with thought to word…
I went through some dark days several years ago, and they lasted quite some time. My thoughts were not positive. They were not happy. I was angry, bitter, hurt, lonely, and pretty much broken. I let the negative seep into my mind, and it eventually became how I spoke.
My words were not positive. My outlook on life was not positive. And with every negative thought that became words, it came full circle and made me even more miserable.
And then I found PEACE…
I cannot tell you when or where. I just know it happened. And it was a glorious thing!
With peace came the memories I had let myself forget. The times when I would hear my mother speak words of wisdom, peace, joy, love, kindness, and all things encouraging in times of struggle in her own life. How she was able to stand up and stay silent during times when crumbling and giving up during the battle was so tempting! I thought she was just being too nice, but she was building her heart and mind into something amazing!
And she was building it in me as well…
And so, here we are…
We have endured a Pandemic, lock-down, remote learning, remote working, NO working, wearing masks everywhere, not being able to gather as families and groups, and so much more!
People got sick.
People died.
People we know.
I have seen families fall apart.
I have seen people endure mental struggles they would have never otherwise experienced.
I have had to explain to my children why we couldn’t “go and do.”
We have endured struggles because of things beyond our control.
We have endured hardships.
I could go on and on about the things we have “suffered.”
But why???
Because it is so easy to fall victim of the one thing that captures our thoughts and words… the negative.
There’s another verse in the Bible that talks about our words. In Proverbs… “Death and life are in the power of the tongue…”
So, when we THINK the negative, we SPEAK the negative. And the negative kills.
I’m not talking about killing a person. I am talking about killing other things.
Negative kills joy.
It kills laughter.
It kills kindness.
It kills peace.
It kills love.
It kills our praise.
And it kills the spirit…
So let’s put a flip on it for a moment and see how it changes the outlook.
(We had a pandemic, and lock-down.)
I got to spend an entire year with my babies and experience every milestone!
(People got sick with Covid.)
Nobody in my family got ANY other virus all year!
(I didn’t have a job for a while.)
I got to spend all spring and summer in the garden with my grandmother who is 80 years old. We snapped beans, canned pickles, talked about tomatoes, peppers, flowers, and more!
(My children struggled with remote learning.)
My kids got to learn to drive tractors, hike, ride bikes and golf carts, fix broken things, install flooring, appliances, and bathroom things, and learned many family skills!
I got back to my roots!
I picked up books, my Bible, my journal, my notebooks, and my computer and I filled my heart and mind with the things that make me happy, stronger, more peaceful, and my spirit is happy.
Yes, I still have days and nights where I sit and wonder how I am going to do things on my own. I wonder when I will get enough sleep. I wonder how I will manage to spread myself a little thinner for all the things a single mother of five must do on the daily…
It’s been way too long since I have posted and shared my thoughts and words with you all!
Many blogs have been started, and none finished.
Life has been… just a little hectic.
We’ve been exposed to COVID in January (or February, I don’t even remember… it’s all running together now).
Sinus infections, allergies, the bathroom remodel, leaky water heater, car decides not to start, fevers, sleepless nights… I’m sure I’m leaving something out!
One thing got me this weekend though, and I didn’t even think of the impact until I told a friend about it this morning.
Sunday, I didn’t make it to church. The second week in a row.
Babies with fevers, and older kids trying to decide if their symptoms were of a contagious sort, or allergies… I was ragged.
I took a moment, after being smothered by one of the twins for constant cuddles and attention, to just step out my back door and breathe. I was standing in my back porch when my tiny grandmother walked in with her broom and dustpan. She saw me out there tossing boxes and whatnot in all my frustration (I was honestly throwing things to vent, not clean) and she figured I might need a little help cleaning out there. I had just laid the babies down for their nap and just wanted a moment of peace.
I was overwhelmed. Drained. Exhausted. Lonely…
In she walks with her broom taller than she, and says, “Well, where should I start?”
At first, I was frustrated. I won’t lie. I just wanted to sit down and mope about my circumstances. I just watched a live video of a church service I wanted to be present for in person. I had one child begging me not to make him go to school the next day and it wasn’t even 1pm Sunday afternoon. I was struggling. Deeply.
But I got up and showed her this TINY area that was “priority” to get cleaned and said we should start there.
“This is really where I wanted to clean up, and then I think I’ll go take a break while the babies sleep…”
Well… anyone who knows my grandma KNOWS she’s not going to settle for some little space.
Two hours later, ¾ of the back porch was cleaned, swept, and wiped down. I could feel the Fibro flare up wanting to start up almost immediately. I was completely drained. But… I felt good.
I didn’t feel great. But I felt GOOD… this was something I hadn’t felt in weeks! I looked around us, little Grandma with dustpan in hand and her other hand on her hip, observing a job mostly done.
A cleaned floor, washer and dryer both running with things that were being cleaned, and no more smell of clutter, trash, and yuck all around.
I didn’t take any pictures of this grand event, before or after, so there isn’t much to aid the visual for you wonderful readers today.
However!
Picture in your mind’s eye a mother drained. Torn. Sad. Angry. Isolated. Frustrated. Confused. Stressed, and just… done.
And then this tiny woman, 4 ft 9, marching in with purpose and with a single phrase inspiring motivation I didn’t even want in the moment… bringing just enough spunk with her into my house, she lifted me more than she will ever know. Regardless of how I express it to her.
It’s the little things that bring the biggest rewards.
I know this isn’t one of my longer posts, and it really doesn’t need to be tonight.
It’s a post of appreciation for an amazing woman in my life.
It’s a post to remind myself that I truly am most assuredly blessed beyond measure.
It’s a reminder that I can get through these long days, and longer nights. Through all the stress, exhaustion, frustration, and everything that weighs me down, I can get up. I can find my motivation again.
I see you, tired mama. Sad mama. Weary, worn, and burnt-out mama.
I see you… and I am praying for you!
We will rise. We will come from the tunnel that today has brought and bask in the light!
“Weeping may endure for the night… but joy comes in the morning!”
It would seem, my dear friends, that my world has been busier than I ever expected it to be…
When we last connected, I was working at a Domestic Violence Center in my community and enjoying every moment of it! I had also been offered a new job, a full-time job I didn’t tell anyone about at the time. I surprise I was not expecting to ever come my way!
As it stands now, I have been working with the state of Illinois since December 16, 2020, and I have been training on site and remotely from home off an on since that day.
When we last connect, my kids were only remotely learning, full-time, on their school facilitated laptop computers all over my house, every weekday, and driving me insane in the process! Ha!
Now, they are back in schools, half-days, four days a week, and one of them still has to log in remotely on Fridays to do any unfinished work, which he always seems to have these days.
Before Christmas, I was working evenings and only just began the transition to dayshift work for the state of Illinois, and the twins were home full-time as well.
I had my mom coming during the mornings, and my grandmother coming during the afternoons, to help alleviate the stress from all involved, for the working/schoolwork/childcare process. The twins were set to start daycare full-time, but weren’t able to begin until after the beginning of 2021…
And now they are in daycare.
They have been going to the daycare full-time since January 5, and after the first few days of crying, clinging, terrified wailings, heartbreak and mourning the transition has become much smoother and more bearable… oh, and the twins are doing fine, too! LOL!
OH! And thanks to the new job, I have also started the Dave Ramsey Baby Steps program, to eliminate debt, save money, and be able to provide for my babies and myself in ways I never could before!
This should be quite the journey, well worth documenting… when I am not asleep on my feet and able to write about it!
Everything from new jobs to in-person learning at school, daycare, and things changing around the home on a daily basis, this blogging momma has had a hard time keeping up with my own sleep schedule, let alone trying to type and post blogs along the way!
Since we last connected, Titus had just had his first driving experience in my Denali. He has not driven since… not that he or I don’t want to get out there and practice! NO! It’s just been so hectic around here that we haven’t been able to sit down and take a breath!
Has it really been nearly two months?! I remember that day being so warm… with my oldest behind the wheel, and my youngers in the back seat, antagonizing him and prodding him on to do things that both terrified us and made us laugh till we hurt!
We also did not set up any Christmas decorations this yes. I have babies… toddlers… there was just no way! Rayne would have toppled a tree faster than a family of cats and kittens playing tag in the branches in the middle of the night!
I enjoyed my house being free of decorations and whatnot this year anyway.
Now, let’s talk for a quick second about how the joys of change can quickly become the tragedy of stress and anxiety at the drop of a hat!
Just as soon as I got the new job, my car broke down, my dryer quit working, the water heater started leaking (again), and there were other things that required financial attention… immediately!
Christmas ONLY happened because some amazing people stepped up and helped out this year. My kids would have had nothing had it not been for some wonderful, huge hearted, amazing people in my life!!
Words cannot express enough the relief that I experienced with those surprise givings!!
But, as my mother so enthusiastically reminded me… My financial troubles began AFTER I had the finances to take care of it all myself!
WHAT?!
It’s true!!
AHHH!!!
I was able to pay for the repairs on my car, buy a tub for my bathroom (a LONG needed item), and I’ll be able to fix my dryer situation as well!
Oh. My. Word!
She’s RIGHT!!!
Was I stressed when things happened? Yep!
Did I have to borrow cars, and make riding arrangements for kids? Yep!
Was it frustrating in a ripple effect (from me to the kids to the people I had to borrow cars from)? Yep!
But is it over now? YEP!
That tunnel is behind me, and I’m preparing for the next one!
Changes are good.
Changes are stressful.
Changes are exciting, scary, intimidating, illuminating, frustrating, enjoyable, and full of so much potential!!
We are finally settling into a new routine with our most recent change. It’s a stressful, tiring, but exciting thing!
As we develop our own “new normal” I find myself at peace with the way things have turned out thus far.
It’s been a long time coming… this tunnel my little family was stumbling through was a long one. Dark, damp, a little creepy at times, and exhausting.
More tunnels will come.
But for the moment, we will bask in the light on this mountainside we are on. And for the next tunnel… I bought some flashlights! 😊
I can’t wait to share more with you all! Until the next time…
In all my blogging and writing, I totally forgot to share the lovely story about Titus’ first moments behind the wheel in my Denali!!
You guys… forgive me!
This is an epic moment that must be shared with the world!!
Also, there are no pictures to emphasize the moment… just some fun dialogue.
So, last week, after a long day, I took the whole family with me into town to the grocery store.
We hadn’t been out of the house at all for a while, and we needed to at least get out for a drive.
Now, the kids stayed in the car while I ran into the store really quick, and when I got back to the car I decided to give Titus his chance he had been begging for to practice driving.
I drove to the High School and parked in the parking lot.
Titus was sitting in the passenger seat, all excited to the point he wasn’t sitting still anymore.
Levi (the self-proclaimed “back seat driver”) was in the back, pumping us all up for the event that was to follow moments later.
“Ok Titus… this is it! The moment you have been waiting for! Just don’t kill us all!”
I got out of the driver’s seat, Titus got out of the passenger seat, and we traded places.
Titus settled in the driver’s seat and I told him to adjust everything so he felt comfortable in his “driving position.”
Now, he’s 6ft 3in without his shoes on, so this took a little adjustment… not much, but enough to take him off balance for a second.
He looked at all the “controls” in front of him and I began to tell him what was most important for this first lesson…
Me: “Bruh… seatbelt first my dear.”
Titus: “Uh… oh yeah. I need to do that.”
Levi in the back: “Yep…we’re all gonna die.”
Me: “Shush you! Peanut gallery is now silent. Thank you!”
Titus: “What do I do to put it in gear?”
Me: “Okay, so you have to press the brake first, before you try to move the gear shift…” Titus: “This thing?” Grabs gear shift and almost moves it without foot on the brake.
Me: “BRAKE!! Yes… that thing. Brake first…”
Titus puts foot on brake.
Me: “There ya go…”
Titus slowly moved the gear shift handle and eased his foot off the brake pedal.
And we slowly eased forward.
Titus: “Whoa! So you don’t even have to press on the gas to make it move forward?!”
Me: “Yep. That’s how it works, my dear.”
Titus: “Oh, this is so cool!”
So, we continued down the length of the parking lot a ways, and I encouraged him to use the gas pedal, “Just put your foot on the gas and press lightly…”
And we LURCHED forward as the engine revved up in beast-mode.
Levi: “Floor it, Titus! Go like 30MPH!”
The car immediately slows down again.
Micah: “Uhm, are we sure this is a good idea?”
Me: “Titus will not be flooring it to any speed, right Titus?”
Titus: “Nah… I’m good with this right here.”
The car continues to creep down the parking lot length, at a leisurely pace…
Me: “Okay, Titus. Now you EASE onto the brake and get ready to turn and go back up the other side. Got it?”
The end of the parking lot gets closer, and closer…
Me: “Titus? Brake dear.”
Titus smashes the brake with his giant foot.
The car comes to a harsh stop.
Titus: “I think I need a little practice with this. And you were right, Mom. Your pedals ARE sensitive!”
Me: “Okay, now turn. And they aren’t that sensitive… boy you got big feet! Haha!”
We go up and down the parking lot a couple of times, until we get to the back end where there are ZERO cars parked.
Me: “Wanna try to park it?” Titus: “Uh… okaaaay.”
Me: “Alright. So, you are going to turn into one of these empty spaces. Try to get the Denali between the white lines. It’s okay if you don’t get it the first time. It’s a big car.”
Titus picks a spot and starts to turn in.
Me: “Remember, you have to stop before you hit the cement bar there.”
The car is still moving at the same speed.
Levi: “Ohhh… we’re gonna crash!”
Me: “Titus… Titus!”
Brakes applied… no, slammed.
The car stops as if it actually DID hit the cement.
Levi: “Oh Whew! That was close! Is everyone okay?”
Micah: “No. I’m gonna need therapy now.”
Titus: “Oh come on! It wasn’t that bad!”
Me: “Well… it was a good first try. Open the door and see if you are on the white line or not.”
Titus opens his door. “Oh! Mom! It’s perfect!”
I opened my door to see. Yep! It was a good parking job! Well… Minus the lurching.
He wanted to go around again, and try parking again a second time, too.
So, around we went.
Amid the shouts of “Go faster!” and “We’re all gonna die!” “Don’t kill us Titus!” and “I can’t wait till I’m driving, too!” “Speed up!” “Slow down!” and much more from the peanut gallery in the backseat.
A few more loops around the parking lot, and he gradually turned into another empty parking space.
The brakes weren’t hit so hard this time, and the parking between the lines was even better!
This time, I got out and told him to get out and take a picture of his parking job.
Titus was so excited!
He got out, took the picture, and then we traded places so I could drive us home.
We got in the car and buckled our seatbelts.
Titus: “I did pretty good, didn’t I?”
Me: “Yes! You did! Was it exciting?”
Levi: “Next time you need to just go really fast, Titus!”
Titus: “Nah. I’m working my way up to it. I’m pretty proud of what I did today, though.”
Me: “Yeah. You did good!”
Titus turned to me, smiled really big and said, “I mastered 10 M P H.”
“Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression, but a good word makes it glad.” –Proverbs 12:25 NKJV
Last night definitely did not go as planned.
I did not sleep until after 4:30am and woke up close to 10:00am.
Of course, we were all a bit sluggish, not very functional, and honestly, a lot of my planning made space for such a morning.
My boys DID help me with the inside of the house.
We got trash out of the house, washed a bunch of dishes, swept all the floors, and cleaned up the main part of the house nicely.
Also, I woke up almost pain-free! It was a good start to the day, at least. 😊
Tonight wasn’t so bad either.
I went to work at my job (that I LOVE), did some more cleaning there, read a little, and did other, work-related things.
The twins went to bed for a nap before I left for work, so everyone at my house got a little break before the evening fun began.
This is where I just need to sing some praises for a second.
My grandmother is A SAINT!
She comes over to help out with the twins, and she really loves doing it.
It gives her something to feel needed for, and she is bonding with the twins so well!
They adore her, and she just soaks up every little snuggle and cuddle she can get from them.
I love walking in the door and seeing her sitting with one twin in her lap and the other standing beside her at the couch. She has a smile a mile wide and they are just talking up a storm to each other in my living room. It’s picturesque.
Grandma is safely at home with Grandpa now, and everyone is either asleep or at least settled here, now.
So, I sit here again, writing up some lists and ideas for another good tomorrow.
I’m pretty excited about it, really.
And that gives me another tidbit to share…
I used to say, “I hope tomorrow is better.” And I would critique myself and my day (my own worst enemy, right?!).
As I write in my journal, planner, or make my lists now, however, I write down the good things.
“We got everything on my list done today!”
“We got some things done today.”
“Nobody fought like cats and dogs today.”
“School was done in record time!”
“School actually got done today!”
It doesn’t even matter how small the good is, if there is good to be found I will use it.
It is important, because we are in a time when depression is heavier, anxiety is higher, and fear is greater.
Missing the school days…
I have seen my children fall into depression because they cannot hang out with friends, or maybe they are completely disconnected from friends and other support, and all we have is us, in our home, doing our best to stay safe and healthy in every way we can.
Of course, I have to work. This is a necessity!
It doesn’t matter how bad things get out there, it seems. The bills must still be paid. The car still needs gas for appointments, work, and getting those groceries my kids are wiping out in record time.
And so, we keep moving.
We keep going forward, every step we can.
So what if we take a few steps back now and then. As long as we are moving, we will make it.
I am doing all I can, and I am working with my boys to help me by doing all they can.
Yep, we have burn-out days. I get frustrated with their lack of interest in helping. I get upset when they try to avoid school (gotta love remote learning…not!), and I get discouraged when they are impossible to talk to, reason with, and work with.
But we have come such a long way from who and where we were three years ago, two years ago, and even one year ago!
Things have been gradually changing for the better, and that’s the point! We are moving! Taking those steps. Climbing that mountain. Moving those obstacles. Creating the life we only dreamed would be a reality “some day.”
I’m pretty excited! And I can’t wait to see what tomorrow holds for my little family, now. 😊
“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.” — Albert Einstein
