As a teenager, I was strongly encouraged to memorize the Proverbs 31 passage about the Virtuous Woman.
I read it and read it, over and over, until I knew every word by heart.
This passage in the Bible was a core reading for me in my high-school days, and as I would look back on it I would hope and pray that, one day, I would be this woman!
Well…
I am!
Now, let me break down the verses for you, and give my lighthearted explanation of how this passage accurately describes me today.
Proverbs 31:10-31;
10: Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies. (Why, yes! I am worth my weight in precious gems! Thank you!)
11: The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. (I tried to find something for this, as a single mom, and I decided to simply say that my children can safely trust in me… and they ARE spoiled! Haha!)
12: She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. (Again, the kids… and YES! Although they would say I am evil when chores, homework, etc. need to be done!)
13: She seeks wool, and flax, and works willingly with her hands. (OK, sometimes not so willing, but uhm… I’m pretty sure this means she shops! Accurate!)
14: She is like the merchants’ ships; she brings her food from afar. (Well yes I do… over the river and through the woods every time! And the irony of that… we live in my grandmother’s house!)
15: She rises also while it is yet night, and gives meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. (So, she’s up all night, feeding people… Oh yes, that’s me!)
16: She considers a field, and buys it: with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard. (I’m going to give MUCH credit to my grandmother, who considered our field, and worked that sucker with passion! However, yes… I planted, cultivated, worked, sweat, some tears, and with a passion of my own, we had a HUGE garden!)
17: She girds her loins with strength and strengthens her arms. (LoL… I call those “big girl panties” and yes, I wear them quite well! And, after carrying two toddlers around, one on each hip, I’d like to think my arms are pretty strong.)
18: She perceives that her merchandise is good: her candle goes not out by night. (My candle burns at both ends, and never goes out! And YES! My Scentsy is AMAZING!)
19: She lays her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. (Wellll…. I do like to sew and do things with fabrics and strings. At least this verse didn’t say she excelled at it! Whew!)
20: She stretches out her hand to the poor; yea, she reaches forth her hands to the needy. (YES! So much yes! I will help whom I can, when I can, even when I am near the end of my rope as well!)
21: She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. (Not gonna lie… this is a struggle. I definitely do not FEAR snow, but I sure don’t like it either! And YES! My household is heavily guarded from it! Lots of winter wear!)
22: She makes herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple. (Lots of purple!)
23: Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land. (We will go with her “family” here. And yes, my family is known around my world… and they spend time with elders, people of wisdom and grace!)
24: She makes fine linen, and sells it; and delivers girdles to the merchant. (I do make things, but I’ll admit I don’t sell them. I give things away more often than not. LOL)
25: Strength and honor are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. (THIS! Everyone who knows me knows that I endure, and I find joy in every moment possible!)
26: She opens her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. (This took some work, time, and a lot of learning! Wisdom is essential in life! And my kids wouldn’t agree with the law of kindness, which means I’m doing it right!)
27: She looks well to the ways of her household and eats not the bread of idleness. (Psh! I never have an idle moment! Dishes, laundry, cleaning, babies, kids, homework, work, groceries, cooking, more cleaning, etc.)
28: Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and her praises her. (Well, when my children rise up they don’t quite call me blessed… but after they are awake for a while they come around. Hehe)
29: Many daughters have done virtuously, but you excel them all. (Why thank you! I try)
30: Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that fears the Lord, she shall be praised. (Lemme tell you something here… favor IS deceitful! Beauty IS vain, but praise is a testimony of good works, integrity, and given by those who have been blessed by a godly woman!)
31: Give her the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates. (It took me a long time to accept praise for anything I have ever done! And while the kids I parent bicker and argue, and often buck against rules and discipline, I am seeing young men grow up and know how to treat other people with kindness and love, and I see my works coming to fruition. It is a good feeling.)
So, as a young woman I aspired to be everything this woman is in the scripture. I dreamed about accomplishing each and every verse, daily, for the rest of my life.
Little did I know, I would be her! I would be the woman who works, day and night, is exhausted, tired, and sometimes depleted of anything left to give. And I’m pretty sure she probably pulled her hair out daily!
But she is amazing! I mean think about it!
She does everything, is everything, and still finds joy! She works hard, and above all, she is greatly loved!
I work hard, I am exhausted, and sometimes depleted. But I have joy, peace, and I am most definitely LOVED!
I am the Proverbs 31 Woman!
*verses found in Proverbs, chapter 31, in the New King James Version of the Bible.
In the fall of 2018, I took a positive pregnancy test, and in the winter, I was informed that I was carrying twins.
I already had three boys. I wondered for weeks if I would have five boys, three boys and two girls, or four boys and one girl…
The day of truth arrived before Spring of 2019.
For weeks Baby B was confirmed a boy, but Baby A was definitely undetermined! Baby A was hiding at every ultrasound!
Baby A finally let us know that she is a girl close to the middle of the second trimester, and the poor ultrasound tech would check again at EVERY visit, at my request, just to make sure we weren’t making a mistake! Ha!
I was in denial!
I was terrified!
What was I going to do with a girl???
I had no idea what I was doing!
It didn’t matter that I had experience by helping raise my little sisters, who were 10 and 12 years younger than me!
It didn’t matter that I am also a woman!
My first thoughts were, “I hate pink! People are going to get me pink stuff! What will I do with pink stuff?!”
And also, “What if she falls down, gets hurt, is dainty and fragile? What if she’s moody?!”
These might seem like petty questions to experienced Girl-Moms out there, but it was no joke to my frightened self!
And then, the twins were born, Summer of 2019.
And the first time those “True Blue” eyes looked up at me, I didn’t care anymore.
Buy the pink stuff!
Buy the ruffles and glitter!
Mommy will be there every time she falls!
Mommy will be there every time she gets hurt, is sick, sad, scared, or anything else!
Now… What people sat back and giggled at, and never gave me fair warning of, was the months that followed the birth.
Granted, when they were inside the womb, we confirmed that “Baby A (aka, the girl)” was mean and quite the bully. But I resigned that to the fact that there were TWO babies in the space that is generally occupied by only one. Fighting for space was a given…
Yeah…
We were wrong.
Enter present time, where the twins are now 15 months old (today!), and the whole “girl drama” thing I have heard so much about, I have discovered, is REAL!
Y’all…
Send help!!
How does this stuff work, people???
She’s a toddler going on 16 already!
Is this a thing?!
Is this normal for girls???
Don’t get me wrong… Those blue eyes are pure, innocent, and sweet, and I adore every inch of her personality!
BUT!
The ATTITUDE is unprecedented in my world!
This sweet, squeaky, giggly, bubbly, smiling, laughing, adorable little girl is a BEAST!
She dominates the room. Every room!
You know how babies share when it suits them? Yeah, she doesn’t share at all!
She will swipe, take, steal, grab, and hijack anything from anyone she can, especially her twin.
She will become enraged when things are taken back or kept from her attempts to take them for herself.
She will smack the face of anyone who opposes her, gets in her way, or tells her “no.”
She loves with her hands, with hugs, love pats, and often a decent smack to the head or chest.
She loves with her voice, by cooing, humming, yelling, and sometimes screaming at the top of her lungs while chasing someone around to “love” with her hands.
She’s dramatic in EVERY way, both in her excitement, sadness, and especially her anger.
When my baby girl enters a room, her presence is KNOWN from one wall to the other.
Again, she is 15 months old. LOL
My daughter (that still sounds so different to me!) is a clever child! She is highly intelligent!
She mimics movements, sounds, words, and initiates games with people to play with her.
She loves music, some cartoons, books, and all things interactive.
And, like a girl after my own heart, she refuses to keep those big, fluffy, ruffly headbands on her head!
Score!
This is the first of many years for this mama, learning new lessons, feeling new emotions, and many other things related to family changes.
I’ve been a boy-mom for a decade and a half.
I have learned how to deal with the boy drama, broken bones, bloody noses, mud, bugs, reptiles, video games, stampedes through the house, weird creatures and items in the laundry, stains on every item of clothing, Autism, Anxiety and emotional trauma, boy puberty, and so much more!
Now, I get to learn all these things with a girl.
Am I terrified? YEP!
Am I excited? If I were asked this question before she was born, I would have said NO.
But now, as I face-off with my literal “mini-me,” screaming at me, and stomping her feet (for real), with those bright blues even brighter next to her angry, pink cheeks, I have to say I am pretty excited!
I have always loved a challenge.
And I am pretty sure God took one look at my ‘pre-twin’ situation and said, “Challenge Accepted!”
Let the fun begin, and may the odds be ever in… my favor?
I have been on the Single-Parent journey for a while, now.
During the beginning of this chapter in my journey, I felt more chaos than peace. I cried more than I smiled. And I often wondered how I was going to be able to move forward.
And then, the healing that had already started, I finally began to feel!
The top three phrases I hear most often are, “You make it look so easy!” “I don’t know how you do it!” “You have the patience of a saint!”
My dears, it is definitely NOT easy, I have no idea how I do it on some days myself, and my children would not agree with the “patience of a saint” statement at all! Ha!
I have moments when the “Mom guilt” is strong. Moments when lose my temper, forget things (the laundry in the washer hates me the most), lose things, trip over myself walking down the hallway, and have lately been staring at the wall in my bedroom blankly, trying to figure out what I am even doing!
So, let’s talk a minute about when it all goes haywire…
I KNOW I am not alone when I say this year has been an overhaul of the unexpected, unpredictable (and predictable, sadly), unplanned, unprepared, and uncertainty! Times ten!
We, as parents and families, have been through the mill!
And the year keeps on giving…
I have five kiddos. Everyone who follows me knows this. Three of them are each in their own school right now.
My oldest is a freshman in high school.
My second son is in 8th grade (the junior high in our district).
My third son is in 4th grade at the elementary school.
All of them are in the same “blended learning” group. Group B. They attend their schools for a half day on Tuesday and Thursday every week.
All other days they are supposed to do online learning with their school-provided-chrome books.
Two of them have IEPs. Their classwork is set up differently than the third. And that one (the one without the IEP) is currently going through puberty… Jesus Help Me!
The twins were invited to join early headstart programming via “home-based-classrooms” and I was already set beyond my limit, so I declined that option for this year.
So where does it go haywire?
Well, it starts when there are medical appointments
Education appointments
Other appointments
Kids falling behind on their schoolwork
Begging not to have to go to school on their half days
Juggling all five of them plus the housework
The car acting up (again)
The fridge falling apart (again)
Mom’s business falling short on sales and losing income to cover the bills
Cabin fever
Sibling fights that go from verbal to physical in .25 seconds
Bedtime battles with the older kids (because the twins go to bed at the same time every night!)
Did I mention that this has become a daily issue? Like, this is not “every once in a while.” NO. This is current, real time, common struggle.
What I am describing is all within the past… few weeks.
And then comes Sunday… when the battle to attend church is in full swing. That battle begins on Saturday evening, typically.
But that is another blog post entirely for another day. And trust me, it’s a good one!
Now, where is the peace?
I’m so glad you asked!!
I want to share what I did when I laid the floor in my bedroom a couple months ago.
I sat on my floor and wrote Bible verses ALL OVER it!
I spent hours on the phone with my mom, going over the verses that fit my situation, me personally and me as a mother, my family, our lives, and the things we have been through. We talked and I wrote, all over the place!
The flooring underneath is covered in verse after verse about peace, joy, love, blessings, calm, grace, mercy, forgiveness, faith, miracles, and so much more!
One of my absolute favorites is Philippians 4:8
“Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy, think on these things.” (NKJV)
Some others I wrote are
“You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.” Isaiah 26:3
“Do not be overcome by evil but overcome evil with good.” Romans 12:21
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalms 147:3
“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1
“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6
“And He said unto me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness.’” 2 Corinthians 12:9
“He gives power to the weak, and to those who have no might He increases strength.” Isaiah 40:29
These are just a few of MANY verses I wrote all over my floor!
Why am I sharing this? Because this is where my peace comes from!
When it all goes nuts, I go to God! I go to Him in prayer, or in the Bible.
Now, I understand many people get their peace from many places. It can come from angry cleaning the house to your favorite angry music (I do this as well), or going for a walk, run, bike ride, or just getting out of the house for a bit alone. Peace can come from many places!
You all know me. Mine comes from my writing. And I look in many places for inspiration to write and encourage myself and all of you in your journeys as well.
There are days when I cannot find my peace by reading my Bible. Sometimes I’m not near it, sometimes I am not able to sit and read, and sometimes I can’t focus. Those days happen! Sometimes peace is hard to get a hold of.
And, of course, the Bible isn’t the only place I find peace. I find it playing with the twins. Playing my piano. Playing my favorite songs on my phone, or on the radio. Cooking food (chopping vegetables is a great stress reliever!)!
But when it all does go haywire, I have to find that peace! I have to settle my own head so I can settle what is going nuts around me.
My best suggestion to anyone is this:
In your moments when you are at peace, when the world isn’t chaos all around you, grab your notepad and pen and start to make a list. Make a list of the things that give you that smile, the calm feeling, the escape from the chaos. Plaster that thing on your fridge, mirror, anywhere you will see it every day, multiple times!
And when you are at a loss, remember Philippians 4:8! Think about the things that bring your smile, give you peace, fill you with joy and make you want to dance. Even if you cannot find the time to do something to calm you, you CAN think about the positive!
Yes. It is easier said than done. Until it becomes a habit. And a habit it can become!
I did it!
And if this scatterbrained, super busy, always distracted mama can do it, I KNOW you can, too!
